Hello, my dear sweet bachche without a Valentine. I know, being single is great and so cool and yay singlehood. That’s all okay. But everyone needs a soulmate na, beta. Now, if I hadn’t found my adorable little Tinku (my purebred poodle who else), I would still be looking for my soulmate everywhere! But since I didn’t have any help from a super sweet aunty who only wants good things for me, I decided to help you. Again, it’s okay if you’re single. I happen to love that about you. Because this means I can put all my energy into finding your Mx (this is for political correctness) Right.
And don’t go doubting the logic behind my methods. I am using a scientifically proven strategy to find your soulmate. I asked you about your perfect Valentine’s Day gift on Instagram and, based on your delightful answers, I figured out the location of your soulmate! So, here’s where you lost bachchas need to go to find your janmon ka pyaar.
@_baatein_unkahi’s perfect gift: A bullet ride on an empty and peaceful road
Lockdown ke sapne aa rahe hain aapko? Empty, peaceful roads and all. Anyway, kaali zubaan etc aside, you will find your soulmate on the Faridabad-Gurgaon road on Sunday at 5am. All bike related dreams in Delhi NCR are realised there only.
@bigshrikeuwu’s perfect Valentine’s Day gift: A really good book
You will find your soulmate in the library, like a romcom in the ‘80s. You know, my zamaana. Now, all you need to do is find a chic, cool, unknown library in some chic, cool, unknown corner of the city. No, bookstores do not count.
@disco_monk’s perfect V-Day giftssss: A vanilla blueberry scented candle, an aqua bath bomb, a delicate solitaire necklace and his company
How cute…and painfully realistic. I don’t think one soulmate is enough for you, bachche. Go to an overpriced home décor store in the mall to find your candles and bath bomb wala soulmate. For the solitaire necklace and company, come to my next kitty party. Mrs Mittal’s son just settled his third divorce.
@it_1427’s ideal Valentine’s Day (or Children’s Day) gift: Cute crew size socks
Beta ji, you go to the kiddie section of any clothing store. Soulmate toh chhodo, you might find your future baby there. The kid will most likely come along with a parent, and that will be your soulmate. They’ll buy all the cute socks you want…or you can just raid the kid’s cupboard at home.
@thenovemberschild’s perfect gift for all occasions this year: iPhone 12
Wow, specific. Which is a good thing. Beta, your soulmate is not in India. Your soulmate is on a flight back from the US or UK or Canada right now. So, I suggest park yourself in the Arrivals terminal at the airport. And look your prettiest. These NRIs can be picky about giving away the 10 unlocked iPhones in their suitcase.
@sonalikasharma_’s perfect Valentine’s Day gift: Flowers, lots of flowers
Have you tried taking a walk to the closest florist? Matlab all this time you are spending on Instagram but you are not stopping to smell the flowers. Literally. Go to the florist, that’s where your soulmate will be buying a last minute bouquet for their date.
@anu_deshmukh04’s ambitious Valentine’s Day gift: A ring
Mm-hmm. Shaadi on your mind, bachche? GOOD. So sorted in your head! You will find your soulmate with me, beta. Come to me and I will find the perfect rishta for you. See, I’ve already found so many, like these and these. I’ll get you that ring, my girl.
@prerana_sengupta’s otherworldly Valentine’s Day gift: Peace of mind
With the world the way it is, zyaada nahi maang liya aapne? If you want true peace of mind, your soulmate cannot be on this planet, bachche. I’m afraid you will have to patao Elon Musk to give you a ride to Mars.
@faroutlandish’s simple idea of the perfect Valentine’s Day gift: A handwritten letter and maybe something handmade
This is so sweet, bachche. Useless, but so sweet. See, no one in India will have the time to do this for you. So, I think you should head west. You will find your soulmate in a tiny town in the Netherlands or Sweden. Basically, look for cities where everything shuts at 5pm so that your soulmate has time to make things for you and write you letters.
@sunny_j9713: Aunty, first let me have a GF.
Beta ji, aapki toh problems hi strange hain. Kuchh lete kyun nahi? Like IDK, a life. Ugh.
Keep writing to me for more life-changing solutions to all your problems, my bachchas. And let me know if you found your soulmates in these places. I’ll be waiting.