I am so happy today, bachche. I feel like my life has finally come full circle and after all those years of helping the ungrateful wretches in my colony, I think I am finally being appreciated. You know me. My life’s aim is to help you. So, I have decided to solve the biggest crisis of your life–how to find the perfect man! After all, what is more important than finding the right rishta? Yes, yes, I know. You’re all about job shob and career vareer, but beta, true happiness lies in the arms of your very own hero (wink wink hehe).

To make this process smoother and easier (for me), I asked you all to tell me what makes a man perfect. And I was amazed to see your extremely high expectations from the male gender. Kuchh toh realism hona chahiye in life. But your dear Aunty Eve worked very, very hard to find the perfect rishta for you…in Bollywood! Dekho bachche, you will not get exact replica of these men (I hope) but at least now you have a checklist for your next rishta meeting.

Chalo, here’s what you said makes a man perfect and the rishtas I found for you.

Anindita said: The perfect man is “someone who accepts me as I am”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Kabir Thapar aka Bunny! He will ignore you if you wear spectacles and fall in love with you when you become a “hot doctor”. He will accept you for who you eventually become. Same hi hai, beta. And he has a cute nickname too. What more do you need?

Woh.ladki said: The perfect man should have “intelligence with emotions”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Raj Malhotra! Yes, he doesn’t work. Yes, he failed college. He doesn’t have anything except a rich and indulgent father. But he has that cute, childish charm which is just adorable, no? He will also mansplain your family to you in every argument. So intelligent he is! And emotions ki toh baat hi na karo. He cries so much!

Blushy_aleesh said: “I don’t expect perfection…just honesty”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Arjun Singh! He barely has a brain of his own, so he will do whatever you tell him to do except leave you alone. Very cute and clingy he is. He will trick you into falling in love with him and make you leave your entire life in London so that you can adjust to your new life in a village in India. But at all times, he claims to be honest and down-to-earth…with golden-brown hair. Adorbs!

Unnati says: “He should know how to cook”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Kabir Bansal! One more Kabir who is an absolute gem. All he will do is cook and look after your house. And when he gets a whole lot of unwarranted attention and appreciation for this, he will blame you for getting jealous and keep you grounded, beta. Having a man who keeps your ego in check is the best thing ever!

Vidya said: The perfect man should be “well mannered, and respect you and your choices”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Badrinath Bansal! He’s extremely well-mannered. He may kidnap you and try to assault you on the street, but he does it all with a good heart. He will also respect you and your choices after making sure that they suit him, of course. So, if you want to work in a different country, he will let you, as long as you come right back to the small town you hoped to leave forever.

Ankita said: The perfect man should be judged by “his behaviour towards others and kindness”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Kabir Singh! Oh, the ultimate Kabir. He has such a unique approach to kindness and behaves so well with others. In his own way, of course. He’s so loving that he will claim you in front of your whole class or office. He’s very kind to people who love him. Just slaps them once in a while and hurts them, but that’s only when people really deserve it, you know. Otherwise, heera hai heera.

Shalz50 said: The perfect man is defined by “the way he treats others, especially women around him”

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Aunty Eve’s rishta: Rajat Mridul aka Rajjo! He’s just so perfect that he will make an entire speech about your beautiful relationship and narrate it to his friends. And he will appreciate all your efforts into making the relationship work, even if it seems like he’s being a prick during his speech. Trust me, bachche, it doesn’t get much better than Rajjo.

Bas, now you have to make the effort of finding these men. Your life will be so happy and content! Don’t forget to invite your matchmaker to the wedding, beta. Good luck!