As you were dating and getting to know each other, you might have had frequent sex with your partner. Hitting the sheets, or the chair, or maybe even a public bathroom might have been common. But alas, the games dwindled after you got married. You got caught up in filing tax returns, handling domestic chores, learning how to live with each other, eventually running after kids, and just barely hanging on by a thread. Marriages often come with a lot of responsibilities that can increase your stress levels, and in the midst of it all, sex gets ignored. But even in marriages, intimacy is a very important part of a healthy relationship. While the magic of courtship may seem like a thing of the past, there are ways to reignite the spark in your married life. Here are a few tips to keep your married sex life alive and kicking.
1. Take care of yourself
Intimacy in a relationship starts with you as an individual. Before you reintroduce sex into your married life, it is important to take care of yourself. Your mental, physical, and emotional well-being will contribute to a healthy sex life. If you are fit and active, you’ll have more energy levels to do other activities, including sex. Make self-care a routine, exercise regularly, eat healthily, and indulge in your hobbies. Do all the things that make you happy and excited and do the things that keep you fit.
If you feel something is lacking in the bedroom, or even in other parts of your life together, communicate with your partner. Communication is the cornerstone of every relationship. If there is something you want to do with your partner, or something you feel your partner can do better, let them know. Be careful not to blame your partner, have a healthy discussion instead. This will open up a channel to reintroduce sex into your life after marriage.
3. Find your together time
Just because you have finally tied the knot doesn’t mean you can say goodbye to dates and other coupley stuff. Schedule some time for you and your partner to spend together. Fix monthly or weekly dates and make it a point not to miss them. Don’t hold yourself to a curfew and just let loose and enjoy with your partner. Do the things you did when you were dating. Try a new restaurant, go to an amusement park, neck in a movie hall. Give yourself and your partner enough room to seek new adventures as well.
4. Don’t forget the power of a good make-out session
As you spend years together, one of the first things to go out of the relationship is a good old-fashioned make-out session. You are always on the run, so a peck or a light kiss is the most you get or give. Recall the anticipation and the butterflies you felt every time you kissed your partner. It’s time to get that back into the relationship. Make out like teenagers in the backseat of a car. Don’t let it go any further though. Build the anticipation. This could be the first step towards reclaiming the heat in the bedroom.
5. Indulge in non-sexual touch
Intimacy is not limited to rubbing your body parts together. There’s more to intimacy than just sex. We often forget the power of simple touch and how reassuring it can be. Holding hands, rubbing your partner’s back, cuddling with them, and giving them a light massage are just some ways to reassure your partner through touch and build trust and comfort.
6. Try some role-play or toys
After years of marriage, sex might just get monotonous. It may feel like a chore and maybe even like the same old dal-chawal. It is a good idea then to add some diversity to your sex life. Introduce some sex toys into the bedroom. Remember that sex toys are not invaders trying to replace your partner. Instead, they are a helping hand to drive you up the wall with pleasure. You can also try some role-play to add some extra steam to your bedroom activities.
7. Read some erotica together
Erotic content, be it visual or written, can build arousal. Reading some erotica together can not only arouse you, but it could also give you some ideas to try. It will help you visualise the scenes and maybe even give you the push to act it out. If reading is not your jam, you can also watch some ethical porn together. Introducing erotica into your marriage can translate into an exciting sex life.
8. Talk about your fantasies, desires, and expectations
It is always a good idea to give voice to your desires and fantasies. How else will your partner know what you want? Be open about what you expect from your partner and the relationship. Talk about trying something new in the bedroom if that’s what you want. Don’t be hesitant to share your fantasies with your partner. This can add some much-needed excitement to your lives.
9. See a sex therapist
Don’t be afraid to seek professional help if needed. After years together, it is quite common to face some dissatisfaction with your sex life. In such a scenario, professional help can get your life back on track. This can also help you educate yourself and help you grow as an individual and as a partner.