Kuchh log na, bachche, will never realise that they’re snakes. Unfortunately, this special species of human snakes are often found rengte hue in our own families. And even when they’re spitting out the most lethal zeher, these rishtedaars aka saanps will wear the most innocent look. They’re awful throughout the year but during festivals, one has to literally face the demon. Abhi Holi khatam hui hai. The trauma of meeting relatives on Holi, however, will stay with us for a long, long time. So, here’s how to detox after a festival when you’ve been surrounded by toxicity all weekend.

Lock yourself in your room

And scream into a pillow for two hours without a break. Take breaths in between, zyada mat beh jaana in your emotions. If your gharwalas get concerned, put on a vintage comedy TV show like F.R.I.E.N.D.S and just let it keep playing. The loud laughter track will drown out your dardnaak cheekhein. One of the most effective ways to detox after a festival spent with relatives!

Take a really difficult online course

Do this in a field completely unrelated to your studies or job. Are you a medical student in Delhi? Learn Mandarin. Are you a corporate girlie? Do a 6-week course on photosynthesis. The absolute difficulty of it will keep you immersed and the need to finish the course will eventually become much more annoying than the relative you have to see a few times a year.

Block your relatives on social media for a week

And then add them back! Don’t think you can get rid of them permanently. Saanp se peechha chhudaana is not that easy. But this little trick will give you some relief from their faces. When you feel brave enough to add them back, just say your account was hacked or deactivated.

Go on a solo “work trip”

If you’re in school or college, sorry, this isn’t for you. Only those with jobs can pull this off. You need a holiday—an actual holiday—to really detox after a festival. However, this is India and you can’t just tell your mummy-daddy that you’re going on a holiday by yourself. Hence, work trip. Book a nice resort for yourself for 2-3 days and take chhutti from the office. You can enjoy a few days of peace and quiet after every festival as long as you play the “work trip” excuse perfectly and take this secret with you to your grave.

Sleep it off

Sometimes, the only detox you need after a festival is a series of epic naps. They’re free and easy ways to detox after a weekend of exposure to the deadliest toxins known to humankind. If those toxins are frequent visitors to your home, epic naps will have a welcome side effect. You’ll be known as the sleepy, lazy girl jo kuchh nahi karti. Which is great because aisi ladkiyon ko loser boys ke rishte nahi aate.

Hope you learned how to detox after Holi, bachche.

Related: Aunty Eve’s Life Tips: How To Handle A Kalesh-Addicted Fufaji At Weddings