Bachche, a few months ago, I started taking requests from dukhiyaari naaris who just wanted to live their lives in peace. But men and associated members of men just wouldn’t let them. One such case came to me a few weeks ago and stayed on my mind because of how common this situation is. All this new bride wanted was to spend some time alone with her husband. Her in-laws, however, accused her of trying to break up their family.

The date night story, in particular, truly shocked me. Listen to her full story here:

“Shaadi karke ladki ghar basaati hai, todti nahi”

 

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Here is what I think she should do. This is also one of the most important tips for newly married women, especially those living in joint families.

I’m assuming you don’t want to divorce your husband just yet. So, I will tell you what you can do to get your in-laws out of the way for some time.

Don’t inform them of any plans in advance

Just leave and say something vague while running out of the door. Eventually, maybe, you can also plan vacations for the two of you. Without the whole baraat. This takes some practice but it is totally doable, bachche. I did it too. It’s a great feeling to run out of the house, waving and smiling, while your sister-in-law stares at you, shocked and confused.

Spend more time with your own parents

Since bachchon ki zimmedaari is such a big thing for this family, they should understand your zimmedaaris to your parents. If you spend two weeks a month with your family, maybe your husband will finally tell his family to back off. But this takes time, beta ji. Don’t expect the kind of overnight miracle your serum can do. Your in-laws may act like it but they’re not actually pimples.

Leave him and save your sanity

Best solution to all such problems, bachche. Stop trying to save what doesn’t exist. Marriage doesn’t mean ki jo MIL ke mann mein aaye, wohi karna hai. You’re still an independent human being, beta ji. Also, this reminds me, never quit your job for a man and his parents. If they need so much looking after, there are agencies that can help.

To the husbands in such situations, your wife is not going to wait for you to come around. Either she’ll leave or she’ll check out of the marriage mentally and become a bahu only, not a partner to you. Just like you want to be a beta only, not a husband. Aapas mein baant lena mummy papa ki chowkidaari.

To such in-laws, I’d like to say if you want your son to look after you only and not give any time to his wife, shaadi ka socho bhi mat. Your kids will suffer by virtue of their birth, why drag anyone else into your circus?

To all the suffering bachchas, all I want to say is follow Aunty Eve’s tips for newly married women and you will be fine!

Related: How To Be A Good Nanad: Tips & Tricks To Keep Your Bhabhi Happy