Welcome back to dukhiyaari naari storytime! In the second edition of solving problems that should have died in the 20^th century, we tackle in-laws’ pressure to have a baby. Also known as, where is baby, you kalmoohi? Also known as, how dare you try to take ownership of your uterus after shaadi? Beta ji, I cannot believe there are still women in the world who shame other women for not having a baby. Matlab you have been through it yourself and know it isn’t easy. Yet you tell women that there is nothing better in the world than producing a child. Here is a story of one such woman whose saas, bua-saas and it seems even the padosan have a say in her life.

Listen to her story here. And tell me how much your blood boils when you hear the reason for the in-laws’ pressure to have baby.

“Sabko wait karwaana achcha nahi lagta”

 

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People who pressure women into having babies, tell me this:

Why do you want her to have a child?

Do your wishes have anything to do with her happiness? When a child has an unhappy mother, how does it affect the child? If your answer to these questions is, “Aisa kuchh nahi hota, yeh sab bakwaas hai”, then you should know you should have never been a parent yourself. Kisi aur ko kya advice dene chale ho? You don’t care about your son’s happiness or his wife’s (that’s a stretch in India anyway). All you want is to be the centre of attention at all times. And the birth of a grandchild is your only hope to be the topic of conversations. Life ko thoda interesting banaoge toh maybe you will be able to detach yourself from your daughter-in-law’s reproductive organs.

Will you help raise the child?

Since you want this child so badly, you should also bear some responsibility for the child’s upbringing, no? “Paida karlo, hum sambhaal lenge” is what women are told when they want to delay or avoid motherhood. But beyond reprimanding the child’s nanny for listening to the mother and not the dadi, will you really help? Will you pay for everything the child needs for the next 20 years? Will you listen to taaney of being a bad grandparent whenever the child screws up? Or will you just say, “Humse nahi hota yeh sab, maa-baap hi sambhaalein” when the time comes for you to step up?

Is shaadi actually barbaadi for women?

In this story, the mother-in-law tells her bahu, “Shaadi ka matlab samajh aaya hai ya abhi tak practice hi chal rahi hai?” And here I was, thinking shaadi meant marriage. I didn’t know shaadi also meant automatic parenthood and all sex is invalid until it leads to a pregnancy. Practice? Really? Iska matlab toh yeh hi hua that shaadi is barbaadi for women, not for men. Aadmi log will orgasm once and carry on with their lives while the women, in a few weeks’ time, will have to deal with morning sickness, cramps, maybe some spotting, a weird discharge that may or may not be normal, weight gain, joint pain, endless worrying, and eventually, tearing themselves open to birth a baby. And if they birth a girl, MILs like the one in this story will say, “Baby ko chhota bhaiya bhi chahiye”. So, whose barbaadi is it really?

Pati parmeshwar, where is your divine protection now? Where is the man who is supposed to protect this woman from all evil in the world? Why can’t you speak up and tell your family members to back off? Ghar ke shraap se toh bacha nahi sakta. Duniya se bachaayega He-Man.

To all the bachchas who need to know how to handle in-laws’ pressure to have baby, be a dheeth, a stubborn rock that cannot be moved. Do not give into any pressure to have children. Remember, it’s the only irreversible decision in life.

For more such stories, follow Aunty Eve on Instagram.

Related: ‘Bahu Ghar Nahi Todti’: When A New Bride Tried To Make A Life With Her Husband