Women will always be compared to other women. This is one of the most popular tactics to control women because if women come together and snub men and sympathisers of men, they will realise that they’re much happier without marriage and all the kalesh that comes with it. Like in-laws who can’t control their verbal diarrhea, relatives who can’t stay out of your bedroom, and husbands who know everything about everything except how to be decent human beings to their partner. If women stop getting married, who will the pappus of patriarchy control? Who will they degrade to feed their misplaced egos? But shaadi karne se toh aap hatoge nahi, so why not learn how to keep your self-respect intact after marriage? Don’t be like this woman who is constantly compared to her husband’s ex.

“It started with a small argument one day. I asked him to skip a night out with his friends on our anniversary…He flipped. The next morning, my mother-in-law walked into the room saying, “Mere bete ko toh azaadi hi nahi mili. Jab se ghar mein aayi hai, negativity hi rahi hai.” And his sister chimed in, “Bhabhi, you seriously made him cancel his plans? His ex never did that…”

Ridiculous, right?

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“Mere Bete Ko Azaadi Nahi Mili Shaadi Ke Baad”

Saas na ho gayi, swatantrata senaani hi ban gayi. Azaadi ki ladai ladni hai toh fight for the oppressed, not for the already khulla saand that you birthed. Anyway, I don’t talk to such people. I do, however, help bachchas who have to deal with such people. Here’s what I think this particular dukhiyaari didi should do:

Subtle shaming

I don’t love public shaming most of the time, but some people need it. If you can’t be decent, you don’t deserve decency in return, haina? Shame your in-laws publicly in front of their own relatives. For example, at the next gathering, be the “perfect” biwi and prepare a plate of food for your husband. Then ask your sister-in-law loudly if his ex would approve. You can also do the same with your mother-in-law. When she brings up the lack of grandkids in front of relatives, proclaim that you have given azaadi to her son just like she wanted and to ask him about reproduction plans. Then watch the family dynamics explode in front of you.

Bring up your exes every time his ex comes up

The next time your nagging nanad decides to use her brother’s ex as a weapon (ew), bring out your own artillery. For example, if she says, “His ex never stopped him from hanging out with his friends”, say “My ex’s sister never interfered in our relationship”. You can also make it extra memorable for her with something like, “This reminds me, my ex wanted to meet and talk about something important. Hmm.” And just walk away. Let her jaw stay on the floor.

Encourage your husband to marry the ex

This is one of the best tips for women in toxic marriages. If you’re constantly compared to another woman, tell him to just leave and marry her. Simple. Make your life easy and peaceful, bachche. If he does go ahead and leave you, yes, you’ll be dukhi for a while but, in the long run, you’ll be as happy as a puppy sniffing flowers in a meadow. And if he doesn’t leave you, he and his wretched family will know that this taana isn’t going to work on you anymore. You may not be as happy as you would be alone, but it will make your life better. Until they find a new taana topic and you come running back to me.

What are your tips for women in toxic marriages? Apart from throwing the husband out with the trash, of course.

Related: ‘Bahu Ho Rani Nahi, Chup Raho’: When You Get The Mother-In-Law From Hell And No One Believes You