Hello, bachche! Since you’re so intelligent, you must’ve figured it out by now. Yes, your dear Aunty Eve is finally vaccinated! Now, no virus can touch me (thoo thoo, nazar na lagey, where is my evil eye bracelet). But, beta, it was such a struggle. Oh, you can’t imagine what I went through with this vaccine. Don’t worry, I got Covishield so that my December trip to Europe doesn’t get cancelled again. I know you were worried about me being in the country for SO LONG!
Anyway, I had heard so much about the experience of the jab (not injuccshunn ew), and all my Whatsapp groups were only talking about the side effects. Obviously, I didn’t want to miss out, you know. So, I rushed to CoWIN, booked my slot for the same time as my friends, and started the whole process.
Beta, I don’t want you to suffer as I did, so I’m going to tell you everything about the process from beginning to end. Let me just take a few deep breaths to ease the emotional pain.
Okay, here goes.
The day before the vaccine
Now, I had to choose the right outfit for this tricky occasion. One can’t be seen as too flashy (no sequins) or too dowdy (no pajamas unless they’re Gucci), you know. You have to maintain your image when you emerge from your hiding hole after so long, bachche. So, I wore the top I wore for New Year’s Eve in 2019 with tights. You can do the same, I like inspiring people, beta.
The night before the vaccine
Oh! I really wanted to celebrate the occasion with a glass of wine but your uncle took it away from me before I could do my first ‘aah’. You shouldn’t drink the night before the vaccine, apparently. And that is where my sad story began.
The day of the vaccine
I woke up angry because I had gone to bed completely sober. Matlab who does that on a Saturday night, bachche? It’s inhuman! Anyway, then I went to the vaccine centre ALONE. All the photographers I contacted refused to take candid shots of me getting the jab. I mean, imagine turning down the opportunity to click me FOR FREE. Ugh.
The hour of the vaccine
I stood in line (!!!!!), paid the full amount, gave all my information, and sat gracefully in the chair when tragedy struck! Mrs Duggal was sitting in the waiting area, staring at me and my unwaxed arms. Oh my god, bachche, I was mortified. That means pani pani ho gayi with sharam. But I knew it was too late, so I pretended to not care and put a few #bodypositive stories to make her think this forest of hair was intentional.
After the jab
During the jab, I didn’t feel much except a pinch so imagine my surprise when everyone that I knew of started complaining about a sore arm within the first 10 minutes. That’s when the FOMO started hitting me. You know, fear of missing out. Will I not get any side effects and forever be ostracised from society? Oh, even the thought was enough to kill me.
When I got home
I started taking my temperature every 10 minutes even though I was sweating in full AC. After all, one must know when to start updating all Whatsapp groups. But nothing was happening. I tried to take a nap to say that fatigue was my first side effect. Still nothing. I lay wide awake in bed, planning my next side effect.
Two hours after the vaccine
The FOMO was getting really bad now. All my friends were talking about side effects and my body was just hellbent on disappointing me. This was so bad for my image, bachche. You can’t imagine the devastation that was creeping up on me. I didn’t even have a sore arm yet!
Eight hours after the vaccine
It finally happened! I got side effects and proudly sent a picture of the thermometer to all my groups. I was so happy that I danced around a bit in my room. This was a bad idea because…
Ten hours after the vaccine
I felt like I had been hit by a truck! Suddenly, your dear Aunty Eve couldn’t move and I was certain this was it. This was death. The fever, body ache, throbbing headache, and horrific pain at the jab site lasted for two whole days. Oh, terrible, beta, terrible.
But, at least I didn’t have FOMO anymore. Hehe. All’s well that ends well.