If ghosting, benching, and zombieing weren’t enough, now you have a new phenomenon to deal with – orbiting. If you’ve heard the Hindi song, “Kyon aagey peechhe dolte ho bhanwaron ki tarah”, sweetheart, you already have an idea of what orbiting means in a relationship. If you have an ex-lover or even an old date who ghosted you, hovering around you like a fly you want to swat, you’ve got yourself an orbiter, honey. Orbiting is a dating trend where an ex-partner hovers on the periphery of your life after breaking all contact with you. They could be doing this by liking your posts or watching your videos on social media without having any meaningful interaction with you IRL. They aren’t going to drop a comment on your post, but they’ll view every story you post. So much so, you feel like you are being watched, honey.
“But, why is my ex orbiting me?”
Good question, sweetie. There can be a few reasons why your ex is orbiting you, and here they are.
They don’t want to let go
Your ex likely doesn’t want to let go of the relationship, and hence, they are orbiting you. They are unable to move on and orbiting you is a way of showing their difficulty in doing so.
You are a back-up plan
They probably want easy entry into your life if things go kaput, and keeping tabs on you just makes it easier. If whoever they are with doesn’t stay, they’ll just come back to you.
They are doing it for the kicks
Sometimes, orbiting you is just a matter of curiosity. Your ex is wondering what you are up to, what your life is like now that the two of you aren’t together, and watching your updates on social media gives them a dopamine boost.
“Isn’t orbiting unhealthy though?”
Yes, darling. It very well can be. Not always though, especially if a relationship ended on a good note. If you parted ways amicably and agreed to maintain a friendship, then checking out your social media occasionally isn’t unhealthy. But orbiting is all about the inability to let go of the past and move on. It doesn’t take long for orbiting to lead to unhealthy relationship patterns, sometimes even criminal acts.
It could easily turn into stalking
It doesn’t take long for orbiting to turn into stalking. It begins innocently with wanting to know what your previous partner is up to. But it can quickly turn into obsessive stalking if you don’t nip it in the bud.
The mixed signals can be confusing
‘Do they want me or do they not?’ That will be the question you’ll be regularly asking yourself if you have an orbiter in your, well, orbit. For some people, it can be a cause of dissatisfaction, while for others, it’s likely a reason to be hopeful.
Moving on is difficult
If you have a stray cat coming over to your place and you give it some milk or food, what happens, sweetheart? The cat comes over and over again, doesn’t it? Well, the same is the case when you have an ex orbiting you. They’ll be throwing you some crumbs to lap up and you’ll find it difficult to move on.
It can lead to confirmation bias
Confirmation bias is a tendency to interpret information in a way that fits your existing beliefs. So, if you believe your ex still has feelings for you, their orbiting is only going to confirm your feelings. Now, this doesn’t have to be the truth or the reality, only what you think is the right thing.
“How do I deal with being orbited?”
Stop reading into it
Once a relationship is over, it is over. A ‘like’ on Instagram is not going to change your relationship status, darling. So, stop reading into your ex’s actions.
Set some boundaries
In other words, block them and unfollow them. Ask yourself, is everything that you put on social media carefully crafted to let your ex know they are missing out on something? If the answer is yes, you already know that you are stuck in a loop of impressing them again. So, save yourself the pain and just unfollow and block.
Are you also an orbiter?
Are you also guilty of orbiting around your ex? Do you seek out their social media and look at all their posts, videos, and stories? Orbiting involves a certain degree of secrecy in it. This means you are hiding the fact that you are online stalking your ex. So, once you realise you are an orbiter, stop right away and start the process of moving on.
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