2023 is almost here, people, and that means it’s time for *drumroll* New Year’s resolutions! New Year, new me is what I am going for. I know, I know, it’s an overdone cliché, BUT that’s what I wanted this year anyway. I have finally decided I am going to turn my life around for the better. 2023 is going to be the year I am going to kill it; I am going to be the boss lady and I’m gonna rock the world. Yeah! I’ve got it. Totally. And if you have any iota of doubt, well, go elsewhere, you puny little human! Now, that we have gotten that agenda out of the way, let’s get down to business, shall we?
This time I am fully committed to keeping all my 2023 resolutions, no cheating allowed. I am going to hold myself accountable for my actions. In fact, I have them all printed out and taped to my bedroom wall so that I wake up to these resolutions. Can you feel my commitment already? So, here’s a lowdown on my 2023 New Year resolutions.
1. Apne pairon pe kulhaadi nahi maarungi
If you ever wondered what my favourite hobby is, it is apne pairon pe kulhaadi maarna. Nobody kicks my ass better than I do myself. Volunteering for things I have absolutely no clue how to do, offering to do a job that I probably can’t do, or promising my friend I’ll go to Sarojini Nagar on a Sunday when it’s as crowded as a cricket stadium during an India-Pakistan match, I do it all with aplomb. So, one of my 2023 resolutions is to not dig my own grave.
2. I’m cutting off anyone who doesn’t understand the memes I send them
Do I really need people in my life who can’t understand the memes I send them? Are they adding value to my life or are they adding to the stress? If I were to realllly think about it, anybody who doesn’t understand my memes just doesn’t understand me. Ergo, they don’t need to be in my life. So, tata!
3. I’ll manipulate convince my parents to get me an iPad
Technically, I can buy it myself, but why should I? I can always play the “But Papa, it’s my birthday, no” card and get my dad to buy me an iPad. The thought of spending 60K on a gadget just about gives me a heart attack, but I really don’t feel guilty about asking my parents to spend the same kinda moolah. After all, I’m a papa ki pari, ya know! So, in 2023, I have resolved to finally let my parents do what makes them the happiest i.e buy me what I want the most – an iPad.
4. Make a serious new year’s resolution…and break it. Like every year
Not practising this annual ritual is sacrilegious. Like every other year, in 2023 too, I will make a serious New Year’s resolution. You know, the ones like losing 20 kilos, exploring 50 cities, getting two big promotions kinda resolutions? Yeah, those. Every year, I make these resolutions, promise myself I’ll do them, and then nothing. So, this year, in order to motivate myself, I have made a resolution to break all of these serious resolutions! Because, in the words of our supreme divine goddess Taylor Swift, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me”.
5. Finally going to convince my friend to be my full-time makeup artist
If there’s one thing I have learnt in the past few years, it’s that I can’t do makeup. No matter how many tutorials I watch or how many times I practise, I just end up looking like an extra in a really bad horror movie. So, I have made peace with the fact that makeup is probably not meant for me, but that’s not to say this girl doesn’t have her vanity. The 2023 agenda is convincing my friend to be my full-time makeup artist. That shouldn’t be too hard, right?
6. I’ll watch more cat videos than dog videos on YouTube
Come at me all you want, but cats are cuter than dogs. There, I said it. Dogs may be man’s best friend, but cats are just the cutest little shits you’ll ever find. Have you ever seen such mischievous yet adorable miscreants elsewhere? No, right? So, in 2023, I’m abandoning the cute dog videos for the even cuter cat videos. Just the thought of them makes my soul dance with joy.
7. Fully exercise my right to Taco Tuesday
I’ll be honest, I borrowed this resolution from somebody’s T-shirt. But, hello! Who can say no to tacos anyway? New year, new me, geddit? I might just decide to get a little adventurous and do a Taco Thursday as well. Is anyone interested in joining me in this exercise routine?
GIFs Source
Featured Image Source
Related: #NewYearNewAunty: How To Keep (Or Pretend To Keep) Your New Year Resolutions
