Yes, your dear Aunty Eve is coming out as a feminist today! Am I cool or am I just too cool? I toh love Women’s Day, bhai. The shopping is amazing at this time of the year! So many discounts, such special treatment. Love! And you cool kids get ice cream in the office na on such special days? How lucky! What more could you possibly want for Women’s Day, bachche?
So, because I didn’t know how exactly to celebrate Women’s Day properly, I asked you guys on Instagram for some suggestions. And by god, bachche! You guys need to lighten up! I do my charity, I tell my girls I love them, and I retweet all the important tweets. You lot completely missed the word “celebrate” in my question, so I decided to enlighten you Gen Z (or is it Gen Y? Millennial? Is there a new generation already?) kids.
Also, I’ve noticed that men don’t really like this day. Good attempt to make us care, men. Really good. It didn’t work, so we’re going to rub this day in your faces this year. From a safe distance, of course. So, here’s how to CELEBRATE Women’s Day properly:
Spend all your money
…because it’s your money! Eat the most expensive things, buy lots of clothes (hello, one-day discounts), and drink till you see double. Put it all on your Instagram stories. Why? Because you can. We are making a point here.
Watch all the most important films ever made
Like Krrish, Krrish 3, Kites, War. For Duggu, of course! He’s still hot…haina? He told me that he is! He even blushed while saying it. Oh, Duggu’s so sweet! As long as you don’t mention Kangana hehe. Anyway, men don’t like him either because he’s just so…complete. So, win-win.
Gossip isn’t meant to be kept to yourself, bachche. Do the world a favour and share what you know about that awful boy down the gali who styles himself like a hateful “news anchor”. He and his awful side part need to be brought down a few notches by you and your girls.
Ignore all those diets today, bachche. Because if you don’t, how will you have the energy to handle the Shame Squad in your building? You need a special kind of mental strength to fight off all the body-shaming wale taaney from pot-bellied men and the women enabling them. And that mental strength only comes out when you’re well-fed, my love.
Don’t listen to anyone (especially aadmi log) today or any other day
Except for me. You must always listen to me, beta. Anyway, I love rebellious girls. Very on brand for me, you know.
Turn every day into Women’s Day, bachche! Fight for your rights! Ignore the men! While you do, you’ll spot me sipping cocktails at 60% off. Just living my best life. Hehe.