If there’s one species I absolutely hate, bachche, it is the entitled tourist. Jhund after jhund of absolute brats who really should’ve been spanked harder in their bachpan. But chalo, it’s never too late to learn some basic manners. And that’s where your dear Aunty Eve comes in. This is a guide for Indian tourists who forget all their tameez as soon as their flight takes off. Here are a few of my golden rules.

No shouting

You can pass around your theplas and parathas by talking normally also. We don’t have to shout as if paratha nahi pahuncha time par, toh world war ho jaani hai. Even if you do feel the need to go in ultra-large groups that look like entire colonies travelling together, you can still talk in normal voices. Like the rest of the world. Jahaan khulli jagah mili, cheekhna chillaana shuru ho jaata hai hum Indians ka. Finger on your lips. Be quiet.

Respect the rules

When you go to museums, palaces, or other sites to see, there will be queues of other tourists who, just like you and me, are on holiday and would like to enjoy a new place. So, why must we behave as if metro chhoot jayegi aapki if you don’t push and shove or cut into the line? It’s much easier to respect the rules and just do what everyone else is doing, bachche. You’ll actually get used to following rules and regulations if you do it for 2-3 days. And maybe bring the habit back with you to your own country. Badtameezi ko wahin dafan karke aana.

Don’t try to act superior

Invaders nahi hain aap, tourists hain. We don’t have to go to a new place to act like India does everything better. It’s nice to be patriotic but there’s no need to wear your deshbhakti on your sleeve just because you’re in a different country. Eat their food, explore their culture, be open to new experiences, and just enjoy yourself. Otherwise gaye hi kyun ho?

Forget the accent

Your Indian accent is just fine. You don’t need to act like you’re British after your two-week vacation in London. Kisi ko yeh expectation nahi hai. Instead of an accent, get nice souvenirs which we can at least use. What will we do with your fake accent? Laugh about you in the family group? Most of us already have enough jokers in the family to laugh at. No one needs another.

This is the simplest guide for Indian tourists ever written. Follow this and you may even make new friends when you go abroad.

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