So, Valentine’s fever is over? Hmm? Still single and not really ready to mingle? Still thinking about your ex who went all bhootnath on you (ghosting, beta ji) right before this day of red and pink balloons? Well, who told you to start wasting your time, money, azaadi, and peace of mind, and go around dating? No one. In fact, your parents, neighbourhood aunty, chacha-chachi, mama-mami, and everyone else concerned, told you to avoid it. Haina? Your siblings even tried to warn you about it by letting your boyfriend’s name spill in front of your parents. But you didn’t listen.
Anyway, I know how much you love me and respect me. So, I thought I’d use this opportunity to be your genuine friend and tell you to STOP avoiding arranged marriage. It’s the most convenient way to find a “valentine” for life. Sachchi!
Not convinced? Here are a few benefits of arranged marriage that you need to know!
You don’t have to waste your precious time finding a match for yourself
Because all the people mentioned above (and their neighbours) will do the job for you! All you need to do is keep that chai and samosas ki tray ready at all times, be it morning or night. Also, keep a suhaagan style suit ready to impress the boy and his parents with your natural dulhan look. So simple!
No will he-won’t he
Of course, he will. That’s why he’s here. There will be no doubt about whether you’re going to marry this boy or not. The purpose is clear from the very beginning, beta ji, with arranged marriage. And you can even dictate the size of the ring you want since there will be no annoying surprise proposal when you’re just trying to get drunk on a date hehe.
Your parents did it, why can’t you?
Even if they didn’t, you do it! Be the rebel your family obviously needs. Arranged marriage is the new trend, bachche. Believe me.
The suhaag raat surprises are just…
Oh ho ho, I’m blushing now remembering my own wedding. Hehehe. Beta ji, doing the boogie woogie for the first time on your wedding night is so much fun and so relieving. Since you know that this is it for life, you think of innovative ways to improve your bed life. It brings out your creative side, you know. Hehehehe. I am still giggling thinking of that night 30 years ago and the four times after that your uncle and I did it. Amazing!
More relatives = more money
See, bachche. The fact of life is that if you marry for love, some relative or the other will be upset about it and won’t show up. And what is more important in a marriage than keeping the entire extended family happy? If you marry for everything other than love, all your relatives will come and they will all bring envelopes full of money.
Next year, forget this Valentine Shalentine nonsense and just get married. I will find the perfect rishta for you, don’t worry. Aunty Eve hai na!