Bachche, I know you really, really want to send that text. You first thought about it at 2 am, but now, even in the clarity of midday, you’re still thinking about your ex. Not in a yearn-y kind of way, but just because you miss talking to him. That’s it. And I understand, beta ji. BUT there are things to think about before talking to an ex again. When is it okay to talk to your ex? When is it not? These are answers you need before you actually hit ‘Send’.

How did it end?

If your ex cheated on you or was a neech of some other kind, the answer should be obvious, but phir bhi bol hi deti hoon. Do not talk to your ex. Resist that urge with every fibre of willpower. But if it ended calmly, maturely, and not in a way that made you imagine new forms of violence, you can talk to your ex.

How did he behave immediately after the breakup?

Did he spend a few days away from social media and not badmouth you to friends? Because that is the respectable thing to do. It shows he’s actually a decent person you can still maybe be friends with. But if he was being all angsty, posting stories of love and heartbreak, and decoding your breakup among mutual friends, it was a good call to get rid of him. Stick to it.

Baat kya karni hai?

This is very important to know. If you want a casual chat with a friend, aur koi friends nahi hain jinke saath you can have this conversation? Why does it have to be him? Or do you just miss his company and the way you guys connected? That is a slippery slope, bachche. You can go from missing the conversational connect to the physical one in a matter of seconds. Aur phir hoga internal kalesh.

What is the intended result of this endeavour?

Do you think about him only at night? Or when you’re alone? Then it’s not the conversation that you’re missing, and you know it. Stop lying to yourself, beta ji. If you’re hoping to rekindle something through DMs, apne self-respect ki socho and move on to new exciting ventures. Aur exes bhi toh ikkatthe karne hain; ek se kya hoga?

Does his new relationship bother you?

This is a quick, simple test for yourself. If your ex has moved on and the sight of his new relationship bothers you — even a little bit — do not get in touch. You still have unresolved feelings and going down that road again will help nobody. But if you have no thoughts about the new woman in his life, go ahead. Kar lo baat. It means you have well and truly moved on in every way that matters.

Dekho, bachche. If you can talk to your ex in a calm, friendly manner, with no resentment, there’s no harm. It makes life a lot less awkward for your mutual friends. But if you start flaunting how much longer you’ve known him or all his quirks that “only” you know about, in front of his current SO, I will only say one thing. Paer aapka, kulhadi aapki, dard bhi aap hi ko hoga.

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