Every parent who has ever dropped off a screaming toddler at daycare has wondered: is this just a phase, or is something actually wrong? Most of the time, it’s the former. But sometimes, it isn’t. The recent Capgemini daycare case in Bengaluru, where footage emerged of toddlers being shoved into a washing machine drum, sprayed in the face with a jet spray, and locked in bathrooms for crying, has left parents across the country feeling uneasy and wondering if they’ve missed any signs of child abuse at daycare. 

The trouble is that toddlers can’t exactly sit you down and explain their day. So how is a parent meant to know? We asked psychiatrist Dr Era Dutta about some signs of child abuse at daycare. The conversation left us with a much clearer sense of what to watch for, and what not to panic about.

It’s rarely one big red flag

Dr Era’s first piece of advice was to stop looking for a dramatic sign of child abuse at daycare and start looking at the bigger picture. “As a parent, we need to rely on more than just gut instinct to be in sync with their child’s safety,” she told us. Very young children simply don’t have the vocabulary to say someone hurt them, so instead, they show it. A child who was previously happy to toddle into daycare and suddenly dissolves into tears every morning, becomes clingy out of nowhere, starts wetting the bed or sucking their thumb again, goes oddly quiet and withdrawn, is communicating something. So is a child who develops unexplained bruises, complains of pain with no obvious cause, loses appetite, or seems to have become more irritated or angry suddenly.

None of these signs, on their own, are proof of anything. But Dr Era was clear that parents should be watching for a pattern rather than a one-off bad day.

Separation anxiety is normal; screaming every single morning isn’t

This is where a lot of parental guilt creeps in, because separation anxiety is a completely normal part of toddlerhood, especially in the first few weeks of daycare. Crying at drop-off but settling within minutes, being a bit clingier at home for a while, or having a rough patch after a long weekend are all fairly typical, and usually short-lived.

What’s different, Dr Era explained, is distress that simply doesn’t ease off. “Persistent distress lasting weeks instead of improving,” fear that’s aimed squarely at one caregiver or one room, a sudden change in personality with no other explanation, or a child who becomes unrecognisably happy the moment daycare ends — that combination is what should prompt a closer look.

Ditch the leading questions

Here’s where most well-meaning parents go wrong. The instinct is to ask directly: “Did someone hurt you?” or “Did your teacher shout at you?” But according to Dr Era, this can actually backfire. Toddlers are remarkably suggestible, and a leading question can shape the answer rather than reveal it.

Instead, she suggested building connection first through play, drawing, or a relaxed bedtime chat and then keeping questions open. “What was the best part of today?” or “What happened after snack time?” tend to work far better than a straight yes-or-no interrogation. Even more useful, she said, is inviting a child to show rather than tell. Hand them a doll and ask them to act out their day, or ask them to draw daycare. “Children frequently reveal experiences symbolically before they can verbalise them,” Dr Era pointed out. 

Vetting a daycare properly

In the wake of the Capgemini case, Dr Era felt strongly that the responsibility here shouldn’t fall on children or even solely on parents. Still, there’s plenty parents can actively do. Dropping in unannounced at different times of day, paying closer attention to how caregivers actually interact with children, and asking questions about staff turnover, training, and child-to-caregiver ratios. A daycare that gets defensive when questioned, she noted, is itself worth noting.

Beyond that, Dr Era was equally firm that daycares need proper background checks. She also said regulators too have a role to play, since parents “should not have to depend on whistleblowers for children to be protected.”

Trust the unease, but don’t panic

Perhaps the most reassuring thing Dr Era said was about what to do with a nagging feeling that has no hard evidence behind it. Her advice: don’t dismiss it, but don’t spiral either. Start writing things down — dates, behaviours, anything the child says unprompted, photos of any injuries.

If there’s ongoing anxiety without a clear trigger, a child psychologist can help work out what it might be. And if there are repeated unexplained injuries, or a child discloses something, she suggests consulting a doctor and the police without delay.

Her closing line is something to remember: “Investigate calmly, not impulsively.” Panic clouds judgement, but so does looking away. The goal, as she put it, isn’t paranoia and it isn’t blind trust; it’s informed vigilance. Which, frankly, might be the most useful phrase any parent could carry into daycare drop-off tomorrow morning.

If you feel connecting with a psychiatrist will benefit you, you can reach out to Dr Era Dutta here.

Featured Image Source

More from All About Eve

How To Support Someone You Love Through Mental Illness, Without Losing Yourself

The Invisible War: How Constant Fear Rewires Women And Their Mental Health

Is Your Main Character Energy Making You Lonely?

Do You Always Assume The Worst? You Are A Victim Of Catastrophic Thinking And Here’s How To Deal With It

Moms, You’re Not Just Tired Or Irritable: Watch Out For These Hidden Postpartum Depression Symptoms