DID YOU HEAR? Beta ji, oh beta ji, I can’t believe it! The Ashram Flyover is open? How? How has my biggest dream come true? Not just mine, the dream of millions! Every Delhi-Noida yatri is celebrating today like me. Even though this is a moment that will define history, we will miss the bond we yatris felt in those traffic jams which aged us 10 years in an hour. So many lives spent counting the hours, so many disgusted and disgusting people all around. Ah, the good old days. You know, like yesterday.

See, bachche, if you haven’t experienced this life-changing traffic jam, you won’t understand why we’re all falling to the ground and crying with relief today. So, do your research, understand our pain and our history, and then maybe, just maybe, you will see the significance of this divine flyover that looks like any other road to you.

Anyway, I have huge, huge plans for today. This is an event that must be celebrated and this is how your dear Aunty Eve is going to do it.

Drive along the road all day and night

Just to take in the fresh air full of concrete, dust, and new dreams and hopes. If you hear someone screaming on the flyover tonight, know it’s me. And come join the party, bachche! I hear the red carpet from the inauguration is still on the flyover.

Go to every colony in the vicinity

Only to admire this marvel from every angle! Because it deserves my undivided attention. In fact, I think I’ll organise a small cocktail party in every colony. But I’ll have to hide it from Mrs Duggal. She is part of the Delhi-Gurgaon crowd, you know, so she’s quite jealous today.

Related: Aunty Eve’s Most Important Life Tips: How To Deal With Noisy Neighbours

Write a book about the struggle

The next generation must know what we gave up so that they could have the Ashram flyover. I’ve already started writing it. If you are a publisher, get in touch to make sure you get your hands on this bestseller.

Put a huge kaala teeka on the flyover

Because we can’t afford any nazar falling on this flyover! It will devastate me and millions of Delhi-Noida yatris. We’ve given up enough of our mental and emotional health crying in these jams, we can’t handle more shocks, bachche.

Surprise my friends in Noida by just dropping in

Because we can do that now! Instead of making plans six months in advance only to cancel on the day because “Ashram poora pack hai yaar”.

Declare March 6 a national holiday

I have decided this happy day will now be classified as a festival and a national holiday. No restricted holiday nonsense for our precious Ashram flyover. Yes, all political parties agree with me. What do you mean this is rubbish?

Bachche, this may seem like an overreaction to you, but I don’t care. Aunty Eve is off to do darshan of blessed Ashram flyover now.

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