Shaadi is tricky in India, bachche. Not because of all the kharcha, but because of all the new relationships. And one of the most important relationships is the one you form with your new daughter-in-law or son-in-law. So, to make sure you get it right and don’t have to do draamey just to make your point, here are Aunty Eve’s best tips on how to be a good mother-in-law.

Don’t try to make your bahu your beti

And don’t try to make your damaad the “beta you never had”. Arre, you already have achche-khaase children, why do you want more? Especially the ones who have been raised (maybe questionably, who knows) by other people. You don’t have to make your bahu a beti or your damaad a beta to have a loving, respectful relationship with them. Just behave like a normal person with them and you will be fine. Also, don’t make your kids feel like they weren’t enough for you, especially your daughters who have probably heard all their lives that they disappointed their families by being born.

Bahu‘s sole aim in life is not your barbaadi

Your son chose to get married to a girl and you have now welcomed that girl into your family. Toh isme conspiracy dhoondne ka kya point hai? Trust me, that girl has a lot more to do with her life than to just plot your devastation. If you think that she put more cheeni in your chai to kill you or will somehow empty your bank locker without telling anyone, maybe you shouldn’t live with the poor girl. For the sake of your peace of mind and hers, let your beta and bahu move into their own home. Aap bhi khush aur unki khushi ka toh hisaab hi nahi hoga.

Related: Aunty Eve Talks: How To Be A Good Husband To Your Loving Biwi

Your beti‘s happiness does not depend on your damaad

One of the best ways to be a good mother-in-law is to first be a good mother. Enable your bachchas to be in-charge of their own happiness. So that you don’t have to keep sucking up to your son-in-law to make sure he keeps your daughter happy. Encourage her to have a career and support her decisions so that she knows that if her marriage doesn’t work out, her mom will always be there for her. If you don’t empower your betis, jitne marzi mote-mote sagan ke lifafe pakda do to your damaad, she will remain unhappy only.

Tell your raja beta to solve his own marital problems

He is an adult who can resolve fights and disagreements on his own. Please don’t even think of getting involved unless your daughter-in-law asks for your intervention. I know you feel the maternal urge to protect your child, but your bahu is no brahmastra. You don’t have to get in between them, you know. Keep an eye on the situation, of course, but apne unsolicited taaney apne paas hi rakhein. Which brings me to my next point…

Live a happy life, but a little away

If you have to become a crybaby who needs help with every small thing in life, don’t let your kids get married. Apne bachchon ki toh life kharaab karni hi hai aapne, why do that to somebody else, haina? It is in your and your child’s best interest for you to be independent, happy, and healthy. The ‘haye main mar gayi’ tactic of seeking attention is very 1995, you know. Get with the times, friend.

If you are about to get married, send this guide on how to be a good mother-in-law to your mom. It might work wonders for you or you might get chased with a chappal. Try it and let me know, bachche.

Related: Red Flags For Brides: Aunty Eve’s Warning Signs For Every Bahu-To-Be