Kids can be amazing. But as these funny kids tweets prove, they can also be pretty savage and show you who’s the boss. One minute they are giving you life advice and the next they are trying to replace you with a dog — you definitely don’t want to mess with these smart kids.
1. Are you listening, Dad?
I lead the after-school drama club at my kid’s school. A 1st gr said, “Can you teach me how to act like I’m listening when my dad talks?”
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 1, 2016
2. But the dog wears a fur coat
My son was crying and asked, “why doesn’t the dog have to wear pants?” And it’s like, I don’t even know. So now I’m putting pants on a dog.
— tragic ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 30, 2016
3. Future leader
Daughter just told me, “Dad, I don’t make sandwiches, I eat sandwiches.”
One day her picture will be on money.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 24, 2014
4. Whose fault is it, really?
dad: “come on, you guys are LATE!!!!”
11yo: “you should have started YELLING at us earlier!”
— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) June 30, 2016
5. Fight to the finish
5-year-old: *won’t get out of bed*
Me: I don’t want to fight you every morning.
5: Then let me win.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 4, 2018
6. Smart girl
My 5yo on her 1st day of K: “They asked me to count as high as I could. I could’ve done 200, but I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.”
— Bridget Liszewski (@BridgetOnTV) August 26, 2017
7. She’ll make a good lawyer
My 6yo got herself dressed then walked around the house making us all sign a paper agreeing that her outfit looked good.
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 7, 2017
8. Future branding manager
2yo referred to her coat pockets as “snack holes” and this is what I shall forever call them
— Rebecca Caprara (@RebeccaCaprara) February 23, 2018
9. We’ll legit take his advice
A mom brought her young son into the Macy’s dressing room, and he’s saying things like “Not your best look” and “It makes you lumpy right there,” and I want to ask his opinion about these pants.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) February 25, 2018
10. When a kid has better fashion sense than you
When my son was six he looked at my leather jacket and said “Come on. You can’t pull that off.”
— Jessica O’Toole (@Jess02Jessica) February 26, 2018
11. Sound logic
My kid just flushed her socks down the toilet because “dirty stuff goes there.”
Sound logic, questionable execution.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 11, 2015
12. The sass is real
Me: Pick up your toys
6-year-old: *picks up a toy and sets it back down*
Me: I meant pick it up and put it away
6: I’m not a mind reader.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) September 11, 2016
13. He’s not completely wrong
4yo:*takin sip of my Dr. Pepper* what flavor is that?
4yo:*looks at me like I’m a moron* That’s not a flavor, that’s a person.
— Red (@Snarkles77) August 19, 2017
7 y/o daughter: “If I’m watching cartoons on the couch then wouldn’t they be couchtoons cause I’m not in a car?”
No paternity test needed
— zack (@Mr_Kapowski) March 5, 2016
15. That’s deep
4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said “People are a prototype” and I was too scared to ask what he meant.
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) February 7, 2015
16. Businessman in the making
My neighbor’s 5yo son bought GS cookies for 20% off & sold them for double. He’s going to be a billionaire or convict. There’s no in between
— jj hartinger (@jjhartinger) January 25, 2017
17. Always know what’s important
4: Teacher says if our house is on fire, you and mommy and firefighters will save us.
Me: That’s right.
4: I think I’ll save myself and everyone else should just save my stuff.
— Distracted Dad (@Distracted_Dad) March 19, 2018
18. That didn’t go well
Was arguing with my 2 y/o for 30 minutes about why he needs to wear his pants and now we’re both sitting in our underwear eating donuts
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) October 13, 2013
19. What IS the purpose of life?
Me: Let’s go to the store.
5 yo: Why?
M: For food.
M: So we can eat.
M: To stay alive.
M: I have no idea.
— Jackie Bouvier (@jackiembouvier) January 19, 2017
20. Breaking the shackles
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, “I’m NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I’ve been whispering. Now I’m free!”
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) December 21, 2013