Finding the right therapist can feel a bit like dating because sometimes, the connection clicks instantly, and sometimes, it simply doesn’t. And that’s perfectly okay. But finding the right therapist who helps you open up, challenges you, and helps you grow can be tough. Nobody teaches this in school, so we asked psychiatrist Dr Era Dutta about when to change a therapist. She explains, “Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all product; it’s a relational process. The fit matters. The vibe matters. And your comfort matters.”

Related: 7 Legit Questions You Can (and should) Ask Your Therapist

How many sessions are too many sessions?

It’s one of the most asked questions: after how many sessions should I change my therapist? Dr Era answers the question for all of us. “The early sessions are about building trust and rapport, not instant transformation,” she says. Dr Era suggests that in most cases, at least a few sessions (approximately three to five) can help someone understand if they are feeling at ease, feeling understood (or judged), finding psychological safety, and feeling heard. These elements are what she calls “foundational green flags.” If they’re consistently absent after several meetings, it’s worth taking a step back to reassess whether this therapeutic relationship is serving you.

Red flags in a therapist you shouldn’t ignore

Some red flags are glaringly obvious, like breaches of confidentiality, inappropriate boundary violations, or a therapist who constantly cancels sessions without notice. These warrant an immediate exit. But there are subtler signs that suggest you and your therapist don’t match. You might feel unheard in most sessions or notice conversations going in circles without structure. You may dread your appointments rather than viewing them as challenging and useful. Dr Era notes that people often consider switching when they “sense a lack of warmth, empathy, or curiosity” or “feel the therapist’s style or worldview is clashing with their needs.”

Other red flags you should watch out for include therapists who share excessive personal information, agree with absolutely everything you say, or rigidly stick to one therapeutic model even when it’s clearly not working. As Dr Era warns, watch out for therapists “constantly asking you to cut off people” or invalidating your emotions (calling you too sensitive). “Most importantly, be wary of anyone overpromising cures, timelines, or magical breakthroughs (‘I’ll fix your trauma in 3 sessions’),” Dr Era adds.

Is it just discomfort or a mismatch?

Here’s the tricky bit: therapy isn’t meant to be entirely comfortable. Growth often begins in slight discomfort. But there’s an important difference between productive discomfort and feeling abandoned in your vulnerability.

A skilled therapist will typically wrap up sessions by summarising the conversation, checking in on your emotional state, and making sure you leave feeling stable rather than spiralling. Some may even guide you through breathing exercises to help regulate any strong emotions that surfaced during the session.

As Dr Era puts it, “Therapy should push you but not punish you.” The discomfort in therapy should help you explore, process and navigate through issues, while a mismatch leaves you “stranded and directionless in the middle of nowhere,” says Dr Era.

How to actually change your therapist

If you’ve decided it’s time for a change, handle the transition with care, for yourself and your current therapist. Dr Era recommends informing your current therapist and requesting a termination session to close things respectfully. They may even provide therapy notes for your next practitioner or recommend colleagues with different approaches.

“Honest feedback helps both sides, and therapy transitions should feel planned, not abrupt,” she notes. After you bid goodbye to your old therapist, how do you find a new one who actually aligns with you? Use your previous experience as valuable data. Reflect on what didn’t work and what you actually need. Consider whether a different gender, personality type, or cultural background might feel more comfortable. Most importantly, ask yourself: “Am I prepared to show up consistently and honestly this time?”

Dr Era reminds us, “Choosing the right therapist is less about finding the ‘perfect’ one and more about finding the right fit for who you are today.” Your needs evolve, and so should your therapeutic relationship. There’s no shame in seeking that better fit; it’s simply part of taking your mental health seriously.

If you have any mental health concerns, you can reach out to Dr Era Dutta on Instagram.

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FAQs

Q1. Can I see two therapists at the same time while deciding which one fits better?

It’s generally not recommended to see two therapists simultaneously for the same issues, as it can create conflicting treatment approaches. However, you might see different therapists for different concerns (e.g., one for individual therapy and another for couples therapy).

Q2. Will switching therapists set back my progress?

Not necessarily. A better therapeutic fit can actually accelerate your progress.

Q3. How do I find a new therapist if my current one isn’t working out?

You can find many licensed therapists on these therapy platforms in India.

Q4. Is it normal to feel guilty about wanting to change therapists?

Absolutely. Many people feel guilty or disloyal, but remember that therapists are professionals who understand that not every relationship works out.

Q5. Should I try addressing concerns with my current therapist before switching?

Yes, if you feel safe doing so. Sometimes, issues can be resolved through honest conversation.

Q6. Does my therapist need to know why I’m leaving?

You’re not obligated to provide detailed reasons. A simple “I don’t feel we’re the right fit” is sufficient.