Sex. It invokes a variety of feelings in people. Lust, excitement, fear, disgust, happiness, nervousness, and a lot more. Sex can mean a lot of things to a lot of people, but what also comes attached are expectations, both realistic and unrealistic. And sometimes, when these expectations go unfulfilled, the relationship starts crumbling. Here are seven unrealistic sexual expectations that can potentially kill your relationship.
“Men should want sex all the time”
It is a common misconception that men need or should want sex all the time. Like all people, men also have varying sexual drives and desires. Stress, lack of sleep, excessive alcohol consumption, illness, relationship problems, and other factors can affect a man’s sex drive as much as it affects a woman’s sex drive. So, thinking that men want sex all the time is not just an unrealistic sexual expectation, but also a harmful misconception. This builds unnecessary pressure on a man which further affects his sex drive.
“My partner knows how to please me”
Your partner is not a mind reader, babe. Unless and until you tell them what you what, they won’t know how to please you. Sure, they can do a few things like touch you at all the right places, but that’s no guarantee that’s gonna rev up your engine. You gotta let them know what floats your boat for them to actually please you. If all you do is stay mum and let your partner do all the work, your relationship is designed for failure. Communication is the key to making any relationship successful, and unless you communicate, there is going to be zero pleasure in your future.
“Sex is only complete when we both orgasm”
Orgasm is not the end goal of sex, pleasure is. Do not equate pleasure with orgasm, it is just a by-product. If you only engage in sex with the sole intention of orgasm, the entire act will seem like a tedious chore. In your quest for an orgasm, you will miss out on the pleasurable journey that is sex. It’s true that a lot of people have a tough time achieving an orgasm, but a lot of this trouble is due to stress and anxiety as well. If you are worried about your inability to orgasm or not being able to make your partner climax, that’s just going to add to the stress and cause further trouble.
“We need to have sex a certain number of times a week”
Talk about being unrealistic! Sex is not a medicine that you need to take after breakfast, lunch, and dinner like clockwork. You have sex if you are in the mood for it, and you don’t if you aren’t. There is no standard number of days that you need to have sex in order to qualify as having a good sex life. Whether you are having sex once a week or seven days a week, it’s the quality that matters and not the quantity. At various stages of your life, the number of times you and your partner will be intimate will also vary, and that’s pretty normal. As responsibilities in your life increase, you may find yourself having less time for each other, and that’s alright. You just need to find a way to be together.
“Older women don’t want sex”
If there was ever one misconception about sex that needed to be thrown out the window, it’s that older women don’t want sex. Or that women in general don’t want to feel desired. Attraction fades as you spend years together because you get comfortable with each other, but that comfort is no reason to let go of desire. You may no longer feel the “spark” you felt the first time you met. The brain loves the novelty factor, but that’s no reason to let go of a good relationship. Older women want to be desired just as much as younger women; you just need to be a little more intentional about making them feel desired.
“Sex is incomplete without penetration”
There’s a lot more to sex than just penetration, peeps, and it’s high time you understand that. Foreplay, oral sex, etc is also very much a part of sex and equally if not more pleasurable than penetration. Equating penetration to sex is one of the most unrealistic sexual expectations that can set you up for disappointment. The pressure to penetrate also puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the man to get hard. And pressure and erections don’t really go hand in hand.
“Sex should be easy and spontaneous”
Babe, nothing in life comes easy unless you are born with a silver spoon. Even then, things can be a bit dicey, so expecting relationships and sex to be easy is unrealistic AF. As time goes by and you get busy in life, you need to make an active effort to actually spend time together. You’ve got to prioritise each other, communicate with each other, and be present for each other. A decade down the line, relationships are no longer about spontaneous combustions, they are more about intentional quality time.
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