If you are soon-to-be parents, congratulations, bachche. It must have taken a lot of sweat, hard work, and alcohol to do the deed of making newborn babies; that’s how it is these days, no? One day, you are chilled out, drinking your favourite wine, and then one thing leads to another and bam! Missed periods and anxiety. Hota hai beta ji, aunty understands. But that’s not even the toughest part. Giving birth is also okay only, but naming your baby in 2024 is a task. So, here are some tips to name your newborns and save them embarrassment and trauma as adults.

1. Don’t name them after an ex

Dekho bachche, just because tumhara pehla pyaar adhura reh gayya doesn’t mean you have to do this. Your partner may not know that Pritam guy you dated but don’t even think of naming your child after an ex. That is straight-up sick, messed up, and really uncool. Step into the future with a new, cutie patootie name and keep Instagram username guidelines in mind to really secure your child’s future.

2. Give them a real name

I toh don’t get aaj kal ke bachchon ke naam, beta ji. Ye kya name, place, animal, thing, laga rakha hai? Ikea, Rooh, Meh, Ri, what happened to keeping simple names like Om Prakash, beta? Please save your child from second-hand embarrassment and give them a normal, real name. No, Baby as a name doesn’t qualify. 

3. No need for a separate ghar ka naam

What’s the point of having two separate names for your child? Just do inky pinky ponkie and pick one. All these backup names are quite unnecessary and confusing if you ask me. Just the other day, I went over to Mrs Duggal, and she started shouting Ri Ri, and I thought Rihanna was here. Nikli unki beti, Rinki, batao!

4. It doesn’t have to be a hashtag of you and your partner’s name

I know you want people to know who your child is, but is it really necessary to mush your and your partner’s name to create one for your baby? I mean, itna hi hai toh put a permanent stamp on your child to declare them your trademark property instead of naming them Nikammi after your names, Niraj and Kamini.

5. You don’t have to get pressurised by your saasu; she had her chance

See bachche, after delivering one whole human from your body, the scope of ‘dobara kar lena‘ is dangerously low. So, if your saasu mom pressurises to keep a certain name for your child, the one you grew and pushed out of your body, ask her to keep it to herself. She had her chance; no need to give in to her mommy issues. Focus on yours, bachche.

6. Stop naming Indian kids after foreigners

Nobody wants to grow up and be Beyonce Mishra, Bebe Kaur, and Ed Kumar. Come on, people. When we have such nice, desi, modern names. Why do you have to go to such lengths to name your child something absolutely absurd? Stick to your roots.

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