Hello beta ji, how do you do? You might be fantabulous, but I’m shook. Yes, yes, Aunty knows all Gen Z slang; don’t act so shocked. But coming back to me being shook, just the other day, I was enjoying my day drinking and brunch with some of my gal pals, and we were seated right next to a mom and daughter-in-law duo. Vaise toh, it’s not my style to eavesdrop, beta ji, but the conversation between these two made me move my chair closer because my jaw was already on the floor. So, here are all the atrocious and strange things MILs said to their DILs that I have overheard that made me thank heavens for safely keeping my MIL up there.

“Just because you had a baby doesn’t mean you can’t help around the house.”

I know dadi dearests get the most excited when their offspring have their own offspring, but what’s with the entitlement? I recently visited one of my neighbours who recently became a grandma, and her tevar were just sky high, beta ji. She was constantly telling her bahu, who just delivered a week ago, to serve chai, pakore, and meetha. And when her bahu sat down to chat with me, she snarkily told her off for being lazy and not helping around the house. I mean the AUDACITY! TCH, TCH, TCH.

“Swap your jewellery with me; gold anyway looks better on me.”

Wedding season is just around the corner, which got me thinking about last season, the clothes, jewellery, and all the goss. Just last December, I was shivering in my backless blouse, with a glass of wine and a fire pit with the gossipiest ladies to keep me warm. And right at the next fire pit, I saw a mother-in-law telling her daughter-in-law to swap jewellery with her as it matched the MIL’s outfit more. She told her DIL that gold looked better on her and no one would notice if the bahu wore artificial jewellery. The way I spat my wine into the pit upon hearing that, I swear I looked like one of those fire-spitting guys at the circus. I should have spat the wine on that MIL’s ivory-coloured saree to teach her a lesson.

“I know you wear all this sexy lingerie to keep my son in your vash.”

Yes, beta ji, your Aunty knows the best spots to shop for good, sexy lingerie. After all, I dress to impress myself and to stop and stare whenever I pass a mirror. So, on one of my recent shopping sprees, I spotted a daughter-in-law shopping for lingerie with her mother-in-law, which instantly made me cringe. But what made me cringe harder was when the MIL passed a comment saying she knows why her DIL keeps buying sexy lingerie. “Mere bete ko vash mein kar rakha hai aise kapde pehen pehen ke.” My eyes went to the back of my skull, got stuck, and I almost turned blind seeing this BS!!

“What method of contraception do you use?”

The horror of visiting a gynaec is traumatising enough for anyone, bachche. But when you overhear a MIL asking her DIL about the kind of contraceptive she uses, you instantly want to puke all over them. I understand friendly hona achchi baat hai, but dear MILs, please don’t give secondhand embarrassment to people around you. It might be kahaani your ghar ki, but it’s definitely not kahaani ghar ghar ki, so mind your business and mouth, both.

“You have a small front; get a deeper blouse so it looks like you have something.”

I’m a fan of backless blouses and deep necklines, and my master ji knows how to make it look just the right amount of classy and hot. You can take his number from me; just comment below, and I will let you know. So, now that the wedding szn is upon us, of course, I have to look like the talk of the town, na? I was visiting my boutique the other day when a mom-in-law got her daughter-in-law to get her some new outfits. My eyes popped out of the socket when she told her to get a deeper neckline because the bahu has a small front to fake a bigger-looking bust. The insanity, I tell you!

Tell me in the comments below all the strange things MILs have said to their DILs that you’ve heard of. Let’s spill the tea, sis.

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