Instead of writing a traditional article, I thought I’ll treat you all with a story today. It’s October already and every quarter this year has come with a big learning opportunity. For many, it’s just the worst year ever! So, this is a story about the year 2020, and how it smacked us all in our faces before we could even realise what was happening.

So here goes…

The year was 2019, and it was the day we all jump up and down with resolutions and plans, last kisses of the year, and what not! Yes, December 31. Many of us were travelling to ring in the new year at an exotic location. Little did we know, the celebration was going to turn into a big joke of hopes. You can stop smiling over memories, this isn’t a happy story. Anyway, with 2020, we all hoped for a fresh start, more successful ventures, and happier memories to work towards — it is the start of a new decade, after all! But things didn’t go according to plan, did they? As I now look back, I can see the year broken into separate quarters with distinguishing features.

January 2020 – March 2020: It’s a new day!

The first three months of the year are always the best. We slog our asses off to work on our resolutions. We try so hard to give some legit meaning to the ridiculous ‘new year, new me’ nonsense we started. And remember that ‘100 days of happiness’ challenge? Mil gayi khushi?

By the way, how’s that daily morning bath resolution coming along?

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Getting back to the 2020 story — this year was different. It gave us a sneak peek of fear in the first quarter itself. In the month of January, we started hearing of a certain virus from China that was wreaking havoc. I was on a month-long trip to Australia and it was time for me to return around then. Uff, the trauma and paranoia of returning home safely! But, like literally everyone else at the airport, I too hogged on some bland Australian food before catching the flight. Oh, I, a vegetarian, accidentally ate meat! I should’ve anticipated this punishment from the universe…Damn you, airport waala ‘mate’!

The next two months were pretty much all about binge-watching news and constantly raising our fear levels with ‘ab kya hoga‘ as the common chant.

Then came March 24 when the government said lock your doors, stay indoors, you’re under lockdown!

April 2020 – June 2020: It’s a bad new day, but I’ll survive!

April to June of this year will definitely go down in history. Although we were deprived of our social lives, we made the most of this lockdown. After all these years, we finally learned to wash our dishes. Thank you, Katrina Kaif, for the numerous tutorials on bartan washing, jhaadu pochha, and cooking!

 

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A post shared by Katrina Kaif (@katrinakaif) on Mar 23, 2020 at 7:37am PDT

While the world was fighting over toilet paper, we were showering our enthusiasm over every possible new trick that we could learn! We even took some online dance classes — remember those Zumba and Bhangra sessions? We learnt to cook and how! Who needs Zomato and Swiggy when we’ve got MasterChef ka jaadu in our own fingers? By the way, how many types of bread did you learn to bake? What about the DIY momos and gol gappas? And if you say you didn’t bake cakes for your friend’s Zoom birthday party… Don’t even try.

Oh, and how can we forget that amazing feeling of working from home and not having to see your boss every day! Dressing up for Zoom meetings, finding that special corner in the house to show off the only clean area at home to your colleagues, shushing everyone to maintain silence, having virtual drinking Fri-yays with the team — everything felt new and special.

Basically, when the world was falling apart, we were holding it up with margaritas in both hands. Okay, virgin margaritas… Thekas were kinda out of reach then.

Related: #Wanderl(oc)ust: At Least Someone’s Having A Good Time In A Pandemic

July 2020 – September 2020: Screw everything, I need to get out!

By the time we entered the third quarter, our feelings began to change. Working from home changed to being at home for work. The boss we so happily did not miss during the second quarter became that pain in the ass who called on Sunday with ‘urgent tasks’. It made us realise that 9am-5pm with the boss in office is MUCH BETTER than the 24 ghante ki talwaar on our heads. The smiles of our kids we loved to witness every day became the very things that got on our nerves. What hell are they going to conjure up now? Therapeutic cooking sessions turned to ‘Maggi khao aur chup chap sojao.’

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Ghar ki and khud ki safai became a four times a week affair. The morning bath resolution is dead and buried, never to be revived. We went back to crying every time we saw Dominos ka ‘order karna safe hai‘ ad, because bhaad mein jaaye healthy eating. We needed that damn pizza! At this point, we became so desperate that we would gladly have that pineapple pizza without any questions.

October 2020 – well what’s the point?

We’re now in October and here’s where we stand — we’ve gone through the hysteria, denial, and intense sadness phases. We’re now entering the phase of acceptance, but with a twist. We will happily stay home now as long as we don’t have to meet anyone (even virtually) on the pretext of ‘long time, no see!’ We’re still going to show enthusiasm but on things like chai-biscuit for meals and how to think of it as healthy eating. We’re probably going to burn our phones because we’re so done with those 30 phone calls a day from people who miss us. Ugh, why? We’re also going to cut all our pants into shorts because ab kaun pehnega full pants? Missing birthdays is not going to be an offence any more because jab mentally March mein atke hain, who’s going to remember your sweet November birthday?

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Basically, this #NewNormal is going to be just ‘life’ very soon. So, drop your rebellious attitude and keep your ass at home if you want this pandemic to end soon. Because if it doesn’t, you can pretty much be prepared to go through it all over again in 2021 and in 2022, 2023…You get the gist.

However, will it be so bad to forget all about forced socialising?

After reading all this, if you’re looking for relatable songs, I recommend these songs which describe the vibe of 2020 perfectly.

PS: If anyone needs me, stop. I’ve already burnt my phone, cut all ties with outside moh-maaya, and embraced the pandemic life.