Sometimes, when I get bored at home, I scroll through Amazon Prime and Netflix, searching for entertainment. And often, I stop at the family entertainer Hum Saath Saath Hain. Yes, everyone has their faults and this is mine. Starring Salman Khan, Saif Ali Khan, Mohnish Bahl, Karisma Kapoor, Tabu, and Sonali Bendre in the lead roles, this movie is…something. Also, the universal Rajshri parents Alok Nath and Reema Lagoo play the same role here as well. Though I have mindlessly watched the movie umpteen times, I have also come to realise a family like this provides valuable lessons. It’s a great guide on how to identify red flags in a joint family. So, come on, let’s look at all the wonderful things the Chaturvedis have made me realise.
Vinod is who I want to be in life
Let me start by saying Vinod is my soulmate. Nothing else explains how similar we are. Like Vinod, I too love sleeping and dreaming about my crush. Except my crush comes walking in a three-piece suit. And laddoos. Give me all the laddoos. I need them to deal with the bitterness that is my life.
A family that lives together also goes crazy together
I mean, there is no other reason for a family this big to be singing and dancing at the drop of a hat. That has to be their coping mechanism. The day begins with mummy singing bhajans. For Mummy-papa ki anniversary, let’s bombard the guests with an elaborate song and dance show. At Bhaiya’s shaadi, let’s go for another song and dance routine. Basically, for every event in life, big or small, singing and dancing are the way to go! How exhausting! For real now, girl, if you see a potential family-in-law putting up a grand performance for their parent’s anniversary, it might be best to run. And if you want to stay, gather your troops and sing janamon ke saathi, hum saath saath hain.
The khauf of Mumu
Mumu or Mamta or Maa, as she is popularly known, is the matriarch of the Chaturvedi family. On their 25th anniversary, her brother comes to wish her. Only because “agar aaj main nahi aata toh na jaane hamaari behen humein kya saza deti”. Teasing aside, as the movie progresses, you do realise that if Mumu doesn’t get what she wants, Mumu lashes out. Now, if Mumu is your MIL, you gotta think twice or at least have some sass to deal with that saas.
Mummyji‘s teen saheliyaan
Mumu ki teen saheliyaan are the bane of her existence (and not the object of her desires). Shanti, Krishna, and Shobha are Mamta’s BFFs who are only trying to stir trouble. They are the woke people of the 90s. So, if you find these teen saheliyaans with your saasu-maa, remember to fasten your running shoes. Or you could just join the clique and wreak havoc together.
Staying true to Indian sanskaar
“Yeh to sach hai ki bhagwan hai, hai magar phir bhi anjaan hai, dharti pe roop maa baap ka, us vidhaata ki pehchaan hai.…” The entire song is the definition of Indian sanskaar. And girl, if you find your guy singing this for your parents, know that he is a momma’s boy and you will get zero support post marriage. Time for cardio, girl. Make a run for it!
Apne naye parivaar se milo ji
“Suno ji dulhan ek baat suno ji, apne naye parivaar se milo ji” – what a novel way to introduce the new bride to the rest of the family. I mean, whoever thought it was enough to just introduce the members by their name and relation is clearly not with it. You need a skit and go “Rampur ka vaasi hun main Ramkishen hai naam.” If you have reached this stage, it’s too late for you. You still have the option of running away with your husband, but make sure the umbilical cord is long enough.
The bahu-betis have only one job
The bahus and betis of the house are meant for one thing and one thing only – serve the men! Sadhna is a foreign returned, highly educated bahu, and her job is to serve the elders and the men of the family. Preeti, who is a doctor, is also assigned the same job. So is Sapna who is still a college student. Indian sanskaar at its peak, peeps! I must add that Sadhna’s father has questionable choices. He actually went to the Chaturvedi family with a proposal for his daughter after watching the entire spectacle of the Chaturvedi anniversary celebration. In such a scenario, it is advisable to get a massive tattoo and get yourself disowned.
A familymoon
Because what is a honeymoon? It’s actually janamon ke saathi, hum saath saath hain. Before you marry into a family, make sure you know if they are going to pull a Chaturvedi on you and take you on a familymoon to Rampur. Because if you want to honeymoon only with your honey, better look for a different husband. And if you are cool with a familymoon, ask yourself why you’re getting married.
Say ABCD
Well, if you thought ‘I love you’ was a three-word phrase, you were wrong. Because the Chaturvedis can show you it’s not ‘I love you’, it’s ‘ABCDEFGHI..JKLM..NOPQRSTUVWX..YZ.. I LOVE YOU’. Do you really want to go through the entire English alphabet just to say ‘I love you’? Is the relationship even worth it?
If it doesn’t do your bidding, throw it away
Exactly like Mumu did to her stepson Vivek. Because when your daughter’s in-laws treat your daughter and son-in-law like garbage, you turn around and do the exact same thing to your stepdaughter-in-law. Frankly, though, you should just be glad, girl. ‘Coz, how else would you get a free pass on basaao-ing your own little ghar with your pati dev?
Well, I have given you all the reasons to run away from a Chaturvedi-esque family. Now, if you still want to jump into it with your eyes closed, go ahead. You can play “Mhaare hiwda mein nache mor, tak thaiya thaiya” as you walk into your personal hell.
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