Fathers are usually the stricter of the two parents. At least, that’s what I grew up seeing. For every mistake I made, my father would be the first person to scold me. To say I was scared of my father as a young kid would be an understatement. As with everyone else, even I was taught that lying is bad and that you should always speak the truth. Unfortunately, telling the truth would also lead to punishment. Fortunately for me though, as I grew older, my relationship with my father changed for the better. He was a better listener, an advisor and a strong support over the past decade or so. I am one of the lucky ones. Unfortunately, some have held resentment for their fathers from childhood. The choice to let go or hold on to that resentment is, of course, yours. But if you are looking for ways to get over that resentment and rebuild a relationship with your father, here are a few things you can do.

Process your emotions in a safe space

Before you do anything else, the first thing you need to do is sift through your emotions. Figure out what is causing the resentment you have towards your dad. It will be a difficult process, and you will likely have to relive heartbreaking emotions. So, make sure you do this in a safe space. Talk it out with a therapist, talk to a trusted friend, or find a quiet place for yourself and write in your journal. The idea is to ensure you feel safe and comfortable enough to be vulnerable with your feelings.

Have an honest conversation

Once you have sorted out your emotions, have an honest heart-to-heart with your dad. Tell him what hurt you, ask him why he chose to behave a certain way, talk about specific instances that have stayed with you and shed light on how his actions have affected your life. Try to make it a conversation instead of a blame game. And if your father is receptive to what you are saying, give him a second chance if you want to.

Set realistic expectations

It’s not easy to forgive and get over the pain that you have carried since childhood. You can’t forget years of agony in a day, week or even a month. It takes time. So, set realistic expectations on not only how long it will take to repair your relationship with your dad but also, what kind of relationship you can have going forward.

Focus on the good

Unless your dad is an exception, he loves you. His way of showing it might not be the best, but he loves his children like most parents. Despite all your complaints, there must have been a few good memories too. So, hold on to those good memories, and use them to rebuild your relationship with your father and let go of the resentment.

Open your heart

Opening up your heart after going through a heartbreak is not easy. But your dad can’t love you if you aren’t willing to open your heart and let him. Understand his limitations and the circumstances that led your father to act the way he did.  A little compassion goes a long way in making things right.

Dads often like to put up an impenetrable front. From where we, as children, stand, it looks like nothing can faze them. But we often forget that our fathers are just human beings, and they can make mistakes too. As young kids, a father’s sternness and demand for obedience and punishment can be hurtful, but as we grow older, there is a chance we could them him in a different light. And if you can do that, the journey to healing from the resentment you have towards your father becomes easier.

Featured Image Source

Related: 7 Signs You Have A Toxic Parent And Tips On How To Heal From The Damage