Marriage is hard. If you find someone who disagrees with this, don’t believe them. They’re lying. As with everything else in the world, when things get tough in their marriages, people turn to humour. Funny marriage tweets are a phenomenon that has emerged from the hilarious reality of married life. Apart from being ridiculously funny, these tweets also keep us sane when the other occupant of the house (and the marriage) is intolerable.
We’ve compiled some of the funniest tweets on marriage from people who are still trying to navigate the twists and turns of this roller coaster. If you’re getting married soon, here are a few situations you’ll find yourself in.
1. When you really don’t want to do anymore chores
Marriage is just yelling “What?!” multiple times a day after your spouse says something from across the house every day until you die. #marriage
— Liz Lord (@mslizlord) September 2, 2018
2. When groceries become a competitive game
Let the record to show that the same person who says I buy “too much” toilet paper just brought home a FIVE POUND thing of honey. 🤨 #marriage pic.twitter.com/Bw1TRebcD8
— Nelba Márquez-Greene 🇵🇷 (@Nelba_MG) August 31, 2018
3. When your spouse’s mere existence is enough to irritate you
2008: can’t keep our hands off each other
2018: “Can you keep the other way? I can feel you breathing on me.”#marriage
— Lauren Byrne 🐝 (@Lauren_CBee) August 30, 2018
4. When you start sharing wardrobes
i wear my husband’s clothes more than my own. when he shops, he shops for both of us.#marriage in a nutshell.
— Jessica Friley (@iekikana) September 5, 2018
5. When love is all about keeping each other well-fed
Hubs *shamelessly beaming*
“I left you a love note!”Me-“You left me a Post-It that says ‘I WANT OREOS.’ Putting a heart at the top doesn’t make it a love note.”#btr2sday#vss365#vss#amwriting#marriedlife#humor#Wifey#wifelife#humor#writing #wip#tuesline
— K Kibbee (@K_Kibbee) September 4, 2018
6. When groceries refuse to last the week but you’re too lazy to go shopping
Husband: The lettuce smells weird. I’m not taking it for lunch.
Wife: did you take it out of the fridge and smell it?
Husband: yes
Wife: why didn’t you throw it away?
Husband: I thought you might want it #marriedlife— Elizabeth (@lizkchap13) August 31, 2018
7. When you’ve been told to show appreciation
I wanted to thank my amazing wife for buying shaving cream with a pic. I think she is going to be happy I’m using her gift… #Shaving #marriedlife #dedication pic.twitter.com/w9CxLPR7jZ
— James Dias (@jamesthedias) September 4, 2018
8. When you begin to know each other too well
So my husband and I just spent the past 10min slapping each others asses…we were timing to see how long the fat jiggles after each slap. Mine is 3seconds, his bony ass not even 1sec. Don’t tell me romance is dead. #MarriedLife #TrueDorks #SoulMates
— Alicia Pinkerton (@acakes421) September 3, 2018
9. When nothing can distract your spouse from their reading
Me: Matt take a picture with your wife
Matt: #marriedlife pic.twitter.com/1I7geZV9cw
— kayla (@kylcts) August 26, 2018
10. When the worst thoughts come to you at night
Lying awake at 4am wondering if rolling my husband over 52 times to stop snoring could count as my exercise for the day?
On an unrelated note:
Does anyone know why the divorce rate is so high? #tiredwife #needsleep #marriedlife— Nikki Menne (@nikmenne) August 26, 2018
When you tweet about fights with your spouse, your problems seem so much lighter. So, the next time you argue over a wet towel, dirty dishes, or an open shampoo bottle, don’t get upset. Just tweet about it.
