If you just watched a movie with two people having the most aesthetic sex, falling next to each other with a perfectly synchronised sigh, and no awkwardness at all, please know that there’s at least one intimacy coordinator, a director, and a video editor behind it all. It’s nowhere close to reality, sweetheart.

In reality, sex is often followed by awkwardness, especially if it’s your first time. Getting caught in the sheets, tangled limbs, a fart or a queef, or getting really shy after the act, it’s all normal. Here’s how to deal with awkwardness during sex.

Laugh it off

Don’t laugh at your partner, laugh with them. Use humour to break the tension. Acknowledge that sex doesn’t always have to be a serious mingling of the bodies. It can be an out-of-sync act between two bumbling people trying to figure out what goes where. A little humour and laughter will help break the ice and make the act an enjoyable process. But be careful not to make fun of your partner. The key is humour, not humiliation.

Compliment your partner

We are human beings, my love, and the thing with us mortal beings is that we are suckers for praise and appreciation. Your partner might feel self-conscious, so give them an honest compliment to encourage and relax them. There is no rulebook for making love, you just gotta do what feels best for you, sweetheart.

Take a pause

Sex is not a sprint, so you don’t need to keep running at full speed to reach the finish line. Be languid and relaxed. If something is not working for you, pause and start again. Let me tell you a secret. Talking during sex is not forbidden. So, please take a break and have a conversation, even during sex, to communicate what you actually want.

Ask questions

The body often gives away what you don’t openly say, especially when you are getting intimate. If you think your partner is feeling awkward or hesitant, stop for a moment and ask them what will make them feel better. And if they aren’t opening up, take cues from their body language and suggest something. If your partner refuses to look at you because they are uncomfortable, coax them into looking at you and slowly ask them what you can do to put them at ease. Neither of you is going to enjoy sex if you remain closed off and stiff. Loosen up, darling. That makes it a lot more fun.

Be honest

Be honest about your needs. If your partner finishes off without getting you to climax, just tell them to help you out a bit. After all, sex is a two-way street because otherwise, it’s called masturbation. If you have trouble getting aroused, tell your partner what is holding you back. Similarly, if you feel like your partner is going on and on with no sight of a stop sign, ask them to switch things up, or try something else. Honesty can get rid of awkwardness during sex, so make use of it.

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