She’s an icon, a legend, a true queen. But do we treat her like that? Only when it’s convenient for us. When she goes on Oprah and says that it’s Indian culture to remain a bojh on your parents forever, she’s a “queen”. But when she walks an international ramp for the millionth time, she’s open for dissection, haina? “Omg fillers look horrible”, “Omg this is why I’m so scared of botox”, “Omg why can’t you just age naturally and gracefully”, and my favourite – “omg she’s so fat”.

What is this behaviour, Pooja bachche?

Aishwarya Rai won Miss World in 1994. I know your Maths is and always will be weak, but that was 29 years ago. Almost three decades! Now if a person’s appearance doesn’t change in 30 years, then we should wonder why they sold their soul to the devil in exchange for eternal youth. Also, after we put so much pressure on beauty queens, then we troll them for actually giving in to the pressure. Agar karwa liye fillers and botox, what is your problem? You should be happy only, no? Beauty queen is trying to remain a beauty queen. If you don’t want to do all this and it’s “so scary”, you don’t get it done. No dermatologist is running behind you with a needle.

This is not even the first time that we’ve chosen to point at Aishwarya Rai in outrage. Even when she got pregnant, which is all “bhagwaan ka vardaan” and “a woman’s duty” and all that, did we stop the trolling? No. In fact, the trolling was at its worst then. Because that’s probably the first time us desis realised that beauty queens too are human. They too put on weight when they’re literally creating another human inside them. And they too have hormones that can cause double chins. Shocking but true!

And even if she wasn’t pregnant or getting older, can’t a woman just eat, bachche?

Yeh dekho. Look at these self-appointed judges.

Because Aishwarya Rai can’t make any choices without getting permission from all her followers. Haina?

“She is on heavy Botox dose”. It is not a banned narcotic, sir.

Forget Paris. These losers will never walk the ramp in Parel Fashion Week also. Bade aaye “it’s a catwalk, not a wedding”.

Apparently, ageing and smiling through it is something awful. Bachche, if only I could get my hands on these people.

Never seen any kind of upgrade in his life, but Aishwarya Rai is a downgrade, apparently.

Yes, yes. I know my blurring job is horrible in these screenshots, but what to do? These people make me angry enough for my hand to tremble violently, bachche. And I can’t not do the blurring also. They will happily say any bakwaas they want on social media, but if a good samaritan like me calls them out, they won’t think twice before suing me for “defamation”. I may live in south Delhi, bachche, but I can’t afford court kachehri ke chakkar.

Anyway, the point is I wish people would just stop going after Aishwarya Rai now. Find a new target. Troll your favourite politician. Lord knows those people work very hard to earn their trolling.

Related: How To React To Someone’s Divorce: Aunty Eve’s Tips To Be A Decent Person