Sex is not pretty. What you see on TV is nothing close to what actually happens when you have sex for the first time. There’s no music in your head, no perfectly timed gasps, and there’s definitely a hot mess. Having sex for the first time may or may not be a big deal for you, but there are a few things which you should know about it. Being prepared for reality is always a good thing.
Here are ten things you need to know about having sex for the first time:
1. You may or may not bleed
There’s a lot of misinformation around losing virginity and first-time sex. We’ve all heard tales of women bleeding profusely because losing virginity = hymen breaking. No! Not everyone bleeds when they have sex for the first time. Not everyone even has a hymen for it to break. Some women don’t even notice that their hymen is no longer intact. That’s because it can even break with normal physical activity, like playing a sport. But if you do bleed, don’t worry. That just means sex was the physical activity that broke your hymen. It could’ve happened with basketball too. Of course, if you feel any pain or discomfort, or abnormally heavy bleeding, please do consult a doctor to make sure you’re not injured.
2. Sex should not hurt
Does sex hurt? Maybe initially, but the pain should not linger. Having sex for the first time is an emotional roller coaster, but it should not be a physically painful one. Penetration can cause discomfort. After all, it is the first time something’s being inserted into your vagina like that. This penetration also leads to a break in the hymen but while it may cause a little pain, it shouldn’t be a painful process all throughout. If it pains while having sex after the initial distress, use more lubricant, try more foreplay, or just try again later.
3. Foreplay is essential!
Skip the foreplay, and you’ll know what it feels like to go down a water slide without the water. Everyone needs to be turned on for sex to be easy and natural. Lubrication helps in easy penetration which equals less discomfort and more fun. Be generous here.
4. Don’t focus too much on the orgasm
Most people describe earth shattering sex with orgasms that left them disoriented. Obviously, such descriptions make everyone want to experience an orgasm with their partner. And you should! But it probably won’t happen the first time. So, instead of focusing on having an orgasm, try and focus on having fun. Talk to your partner, understand what gets them hot, tell them what gets you hot, and have your fun, girl.
5. Sometimes, guys finish really, really quickly
If you are a guy, this could take seconds. Don’t try to stall it. Let it happen if it does and concentrate on pleasuring your girl. She will never have an orgasm this quickly, so if you’re done, work on her. There’s no need to be ashamed if this happens. Just make sure you don’t equate your orgasm with the end of sex.
6. Erectile dysfunction is more common than you think
It’s a common problem. Erectile dysfunction simply means that no matter how much you want it, it ain’t happenin’. There are several, common causes of erectile dysfunction. It could be a one-off caused by stress, or it could be a medical issue which needs treatment. Either way, it’s not a big deal. There’s always a next time.
7. You can get pregnant first time around
Sadly, there are no passes or trial runs for unsafe sex. If it involves a penis ejaculating in the vagina, chances are you will get pregnant. So, before you get down to it, talk about the kind of protection you want to use with your partner. Understand the methods of birth control and what each option entails. You don’t want to make a mistake in the heat of the moment and then stress about your period. Trust us, pregnancy scares are the worst!
8. Always, always, always use a condom
Birth control pills might protect you from unwanted pregnancies, but they won’t protect you from sexually transmitted diseases. There is no point in risking an STD. You need to know how to have safe sex before you actually do it. Even if you trust your partner completely, it is highly recommended that you use condoms. If your partner doesn’t agree, and insists on not using condoms, that’s not who you want to have this experience with.
9. You’re not in a porno
Not everything you see in porn movies is enjoyable, especially if it’s your first time. Rough sex is enjoyable for some, but before you indulge in thrashing your partner around, or getting into acrobatic positions, remember to talk about and feel what both of you like or don’t like. There’s no harm in being ‘boring’ for the first few times.
10. Your partner is just as nervous as you
Relax, take a deep breath and remember that there is no right time or right way of having sex for the first time. Your first time is always going to be different from your friend’s experience. Since there is no set rule book for first-time sex, just concentrate on making the situation comfortable and easy for yourself and your partner.
Remember, sex should be fun. It shouldn’t be something that stresses you out.