Hie, my lovelies. I hate to break it to you, but this week isn’t going to be your best! A little social drama, misunderstanding, and spilled tea might be on the cards. Check out the horoscope for March 8-14 to see what you’re going to get.
1. Aries (March 21 – April 19)
How’s it hanging, dear Aries? It looks like you might actually be getting your life back on track after ages. Or at least you feel that way after going for a stroll down the neighbourhood. This week is going to be pretty fun and exciting for you, Aries, so cheer up. It’s been a dull few weeks, but since birthday month is around the corner, a little shopping won’t hurt anyone. And it’s always good to catch up with your friends and colleagues because you’ve had enough of being holed up in your room under your blanket. Which also reminds me, it is fucking hot, put away that blanket already!
AAE Pro Tip: Keep your toxic bae at bay if you don’t want any drama this week.
2. Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Dear Taurus, I know you have your own way of dealing with things, but what are you really up to this week? The horoscope for March 8-14 asks you to evaluate your techniques of making things work. Because being MIA and deleting your account on Instagram might not get your crush to pay attention to you. And I hate to tell you this but they might have not even noticed your absence. So, maybe it is time to up your game and actually own your thing. How bad can it be to confront them about your feelings? Not like they can block you on Instagram, you know?
AAE Pro Tip: If you are thinking of deleting Facebook as well to get some attention, don’t bother. Facebook is so 90s now.
3. Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
Are you feeling any better this week, Gemini? It looks like you had a rough last week, and I promise you this week will be nothing like it. The horoscope for March 8-14 tells me that you have a surprise coming ahead. Whether it is cash found in an old pair of jeans, an extra hour of sleep in the middle of the workday, or your best friend popping in, this week is going to be fun. Don’t sit silently, stir things up because the stars are in your favour, and who knows what might work out for you?
AAE Pro Tip: Try using that old gym membership that looks brand new, your luck might just work and help you save some bucks.
4. Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
I don’t like how all the work is turning you into a boring and tired human all the time. Come on, where’s the fun, ‘let’s throw a party on Wednesday’ Cancerian? And I know you have your new hot boss to impress, but taking a little break in between won’t harm your reputation. Instead, all this work and no play might be causing more harm to your rapport with your friends. So, unless you wanna bury your head in work and not see your friends for weeks, you better make an effort. Even if it is virtually!
AAE Pro Tip: You need to take some work-life balance tips from your Virgo friend.
5. Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Looks like someone has been busy ghosting their partner! What’s going on with you, dear Leo? What’s with all this running around and not confronting your partner? You know, sending them weird smile emojis when they text ‘I love you’ is seriously suspicious, so stop fooling around. If they have hurt your sentiments in some way, like eating the slice of pizza you kept for yourself, it is time to talk it out. You can’t let them get away with this disrespectful behaviour, so call them out on their shit. It is time to teach them a lesson, you got this!
AAE Pro Tip: Make your partner pay and accept apologies in the form of pizza and extra dip only.
6. Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Dear Virgo, I’m so proud of you for giving it back to your boss and not getting bullied with extra work. You are your own boss whether you are at home or at work, and no one is allowed to push you around. Except for your mummy, to make rotis, because that is just healthy practice. Anyway, you still need to work on that presentation, so don’t relax too much please. You are acing this work-life balance and not taking anyone’s shit, just try not being so hostile next time. You really don’t want to lose your job and make full-time rotis at home.
AAE Pro Tip: Your Cancer friend needs some help, teach them how to sneak vodka into meetings.
7. Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Health, wellness, and a little social drama are likely to keep you super busy this week, dear Libra. Whether it is all about you or not, keep a safe distance from the drama because you don’t want to be dragged into the middle of it. And if someone is stupid enough to comment some random shit on your pictures, it is best to ignore them and move on. You don’t want to get in some ugly social media spat with a complete stranger, that is just so down market! Keep your spirits high, your phone away, and meditate your way through this week.
AAE Pro Tip: Bring out that dictionary if things get out of hand and you need to show certain people their place.
8. Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Earth to Scorpio! If you are finally out of your dreamy vacations, the horoscope for March 8-14 asks you to sit up and pay attention. Your family might be a little tough to deal with this week, especially your sibling. Be ready for all the dramatics if you haven’t gotten them a gift from your trip. Your best bet is to rush to the local market, pick something, and wrap it well. How are they gonna know? Also, you really need to pick up the pace with office work if you don’t want to be overworked after a relaxing week. Find your balance!
AAE Pro Tip: You will be in dire need of a drive, cup of coffee, and your best friend this week.
9. Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
The horoscope for March 8-14 tells me that these are uneventful times with bae. But maybe, you need to take the high road this time and let go of the argument. Because you really don’t want to get stuck in the loop of shouting over phone calls with your parents giving you the craziest looks. Take a chill pill, put your phone on airplane mode, and ask your friend to come over. Bitching with your friend is always better than doing it alone in your room. And doing it over beer and chicken shawarma is even better, ugh yum!
AAE Pro Tip: Don’t post that status about being disloyal on Whatsapp, you don’t want to start another argument.
10. Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Cheer up, you sad fuck! You have been holed up in your room all week long and you could definitely use some fresh air. Or a vacation, who knows? Be spontaneous this week and grab all the opportunities coming your way. It’s been a while since you have been sulking and cribbing about things, so stop with that already! If you really want things to change, get going and don’t look back. Channel your inner Capricorn and let the Pisces season help you make good decisions, even if they include a little alcohol. You seriously need to get your shit together and have some fun!
AAE Pro Tip: You need to break the monotony, so call an Aries friend over. They might be interested in a shopping trip.
11. Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
It looks like someone finally decided to have fun and take a break. Good for you, dear Aquarius, you were kinda going a little nuts anyway. So, use this time to do things that calm you down and help you relax. And yes, if that means putting on a sheet mask and deep cleaning your room, so be it. You really need some sense of personal satisfaction, and spending time away from your desk is definitely going to help. Get ready for a week of me-time and get your bottle of wine along.
AAE Pro Tip: Keep the drinking to your room unless you want the pados wali aunty to spot you on the balcony and call your mummy.
12. Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Someone looks really excited, huh? Did you get a pleasant surprise on your birthday or an expensive ass gift? Well, you just gotta be patient and see what comes in the mail for you. And as birthday month continues, your pampering sessions shouldn’t stop. After all, what better excuse for a month full of shopping, spas, free gift vouchers, and no worries? You gotta live it to the max, dear Pisces, before you drag yourself back into your hectic and tiring routine.
AAE Pro Tip: Did someone say party? Because I see big balloons, champagne, and gourmet desserts coming up this week!
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I hope y’all make it through this week!
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