On November 19 last year, I got a massive shock, bachche. My friends and I were out for our regular evening walk and we were talking about the latest harassment incident that a girl had reported in our colony. And suddenly, this 18-year-old boy with a Tere Naam haircut came up to us and shouted, “Happy MAN’S Day, auntehhhh”. And then he just disappeared in a cloud of giggles and dust. Dil toh kara tha to grab him and show him the power of an aunty. But since I am all about sabhyataa, I refrained from tying my dupatta like a cape and running after the little sh*t. What I did do is research and discovered this day called International Men’s Day. I still don’t know why exactly this day exists, but here are the likely causes.

Mard log need a rights update

Men’s rights na ho gaye, iPhone hi ho gaya that needs constant updates. Did you know there are actual men’s rights activists, beta ji? No jokes. What rights do these activists even want? The right to harass women more openly? Or the right to say ‘boys will be boys’ every three minutes?

Men are not celebrated enough

Aur kitna karein, bhaiya? We sing special songs at the birth of male children just because they’re boys. The bar is that low for men. How much more celebration do you want? Should women lay down the red carpet every evening when men come back from work? Baraat taiyaar karein? Should we call the paps?

Women are everywhere!

They’re not staying in the kitchen anymore and the men are starving. We told the women of the world to have careers and enjoy life. But we forgot to teach the men how to survive without a woman slogging in the kitchen and washing their underwear. What do you mean anyone can learn these skills on YouTube? Men are special, they need years and years of lessons. Shame on us, ladies, for being so careless with the delicate men. Shame!

Women are the enemy! Feminism is chhee chhee

Okay, let’s get serious for a quick second, bachchas. The whole point of feminism is to get rid of patriarchial notions that men are strong and women are weak. The whole “male loneliness epidemic” and emotional oppression of mard log is a direct result of patriarchy. But as a minister once said in a video that you forwarded at least 10 times, “What’s patriarchy ya?” Men will happily share videos of women saying what they want to hear. But a woman who offers an actual solution? Haye haye, daayan. So, celebrate International Men’s Day when you understand that women and men are fighting the same enemy. Don’t forward that ghisa pita WhatsApp forward crying about how life is unfair for men. Pick up a book instead.

Happy International Men’s Day, bachche. May you be a better man now.

Related: How To Be A Good Boyfriend: Aunty Eve’s Best Tips And Tricks