Have you often found yourself wondering why your parents refuse to understand you? Or even felt like your parents hate you?

Maybe there were times when your parents refused to acknowledge the tough times you were going through and brushed them off like it was nothing.

Are your parents highly critical of you and guilt you into doing things their way?

If you just nodded yes to all of these, you might have toxic parents.

Nobody has a perfect relationship with their parents. Every relationship requires work and communication. And that communication should be a two-way street and should involve listening as much as talking. Having toxic parents can be really tough, especially if you are still living with them. Here are some signs you should look out for and tips on how to deal with toxic parents.

Related: 5 Toxic Bollywood Parents We Don’t Need In Real Life

Signs you have a toxic parent

1. They are controlling

If your parents are constantly trying to control your life, you have found yourself a toxic parent. They often want to dictate every single decision that pertains to your life. They keep telling you what to do and when to do it. And if you go against them, it’ll be a constant shower of guilt and manipulation. Controlling parents often continue the control even when their kids become mature adults.

2. Lack of empathy

Often, toxic parents lack empathy and they fail to see how their actions affect their children. They are always on a self-righteous trip and believe they can do nothing wrong. They often ignore you when you tell them that something they did or said actually hurt you.

3. They ignore your boundaries

Having a healthy boundary is important for any relationship – be it a friendship, romantic, or familial relationship. But if your parent is constantly crossing lines and ignoring your boundaries, it’s toxic. This could include them doing something you have explicitly told them not to do, talking about things you are uncomfortable with, and more such behaviour.

4. They are always comparing you to others

If you always find yourself being compared to your sibling, the neighbourhood kid, or someone else, your parents are doing a bad job. Every child has their own strengths and weaknesses. You can’t weigh two very different children on the same scale. Besides, if your parent constantly puts you down, it affects your confidence. And if your sibling is always shown more care and they never do any wrong, according to your parents, then that shows their blatant favouritism to your sibling. These are not signs of a healthy parent-child relationship.

Related: Dear Parents, Encouraging Sibling Rivalry May Not Be As Healthy As You Think

5. You get the silent treatment often

Anger can render you unable to speak sometimes, but outrightly giving your child the silent treatment is toxic AF. It is not just immature, but also damaging to the child. This also forces the child to beg for forgiveness or try to repair things even if they are not at fault.

6. You face verbal and/or physical abuse

You may have a parent who constantly hits you as a form of discipline or one that never lays a hand but will shred you to pieces verbally. Both are highly toxic. While a scolding now and then, depending on the gravity of the offence, is acceptable, physical and verbal abuse is never okay.

7. They constantly make toxic jokes about you

It could be about your height, weight, any other physical feature, or even certain behaviours. An occasional joke can be tolerated, but if it becomes commonplace, it becomes problematic. These constant jokes chip away at the child’s confidence and harm them mentally and emotionally.

When you have spent all your life in a toxic environment, you probably don’t know a different way of living. But it is very important to be aware of your environment and take an active step in breaking away from it. Here are a few ways you can heal from or deal with a toxic parental relationship.

1. Seek help

Seeking professional help in order to heal from a traumatic relationship is a good choice. If you are able to, seek help from a professional, so that they can guide you on how to best deal with your situation. They will help you understand your emotions better and make changes that can heal you.

2. Set and enforce boundaries

Toxic parents often push and break boundaries. But you need to keep enforcing them. Make it very clear what you will and will not accept. It’ll also help to limit contact, or in extreme cases, go no contact with toxic parental figures.

3. Be clear about the possibilities

In case you decide to maintain a relationship with your toxic parents, be honest about the extent of the relationship. Are you willing to meet them once a month or once a year? That’s all up to you. If you are not willing to meet them during festivals and holidays, that’s perfectly fine. Make it clear. If you want to break off the relationship, let them know. Also, be mindful that toxic behaviours don’t change easily and you might be subject to more such behaviour even if you haven’t experienced any for a while.

4. Let go if needed

Cutting contact with toxic parents is perfectly reasonable. You might receive a lot of flak from your parents and maybe even people around them, but choose what makes you feel better. It’s always better to cut off the rotten branch than let the whole tree rot. Even if you are willing to have them in your life, create strict guidelines that’ll make you feel better.

5. Have an exit strategy

If you see trouble brewing on the surface, make your exit immediately. If things are starting to deteriorate, take the cue and leave. Or, you can ask your parents to leave as well. Things might get worse from there, but it is always better to leave at the first sign of trouble. Your only obligation is to take care of yourself and not your parents’ happiness.

Getting out of a toxic relationship is tough, but when that toxicity comes from your parents, it’s much tougher. Especially in a country like India, where parents are treated like gods, it feels sacrilegious to even think of your parents as people who can be wrong. We are taught from a young age that our parents are always right and they only want the best for us. While the latter may be true, they don’t always go about it the right way. So, don’t be afraid to call them out on the toxicity and find a way to heal yourself.

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Related: 10 Signs You Are In A Toxic Relationship And Need To Get Out Right Now