As a teenaged girl obsessed with the idea of being in love, romantic movies were often my go-to source of knowledge to see how it all happens. Of course, #GrowingUpDesi and in a fauji household, my introduction to movies was also quite late in life. But when it did happen, it was a typical Bollywood scene with sparkles in my eyes and music in my ears! A few years later, when I was athrah baras ki kuwaari kali, or maybe a little older, I started questioning everything I was watching. That’s when I realised that Bollywood’s romantic movies set unrealistic ideals and expectations for young, impressionable desis like me, who was clearly no “kali”. Let me explain!
1. Stalking and chasing women is NOT romantic
There are countless romantic movies that show men shamelessly stalking women to make them fall in love with them. But guys, if you try this in reality, there’s a 90 percent chance of your name showing up in a police complaint. So, don’t.
2. You don’t look like Sushmita Sen when your hair flies all over
Sushmita Sen from Main Hoon Na is absolute goals, but her hair flying and making her look like a million bucks is absolute nonsense. If I have to relate it to something, I’d pick David Bowie’s lyrics – ‘I dread to think of when… When the wind blows’
3. #IWokeUpLikeThis is more why did I wake up like this
Waking up radiant and ecstatic because being in love gives you that unique glow – really now? #IWokeUpLikeThis is nothing but a sham, especially when it comes to those who are freshly in love because there’s a high chance that you didn’t sleep at all out of panic. We’re millennials, we don’t fall in love, we fall into the deep dungeons of panic.
4. Dancing in strapless blouses and heels on barfeeli oonchaaiyaan is NOT fun
Firstly, how do they manage to reach regions where you clearly can’t go without a helicopter? Secondly, walking in heels on solid ground is a nightmare for most women, and these women are running in heels in thick snow? Thirdly, strapless blouses in Delhi winters are torture enough and they are dancing in places that are obviously freezing. Kaise kar lete ho, bhai? Ishq waala love is also not enough to actually make someone do that!
5. Synchronised dancing with strangers never happens
Most of us struggle to match the steps of the choreographers after months of practising for that shaadi ka sangeet! But love sparks the dancer’s chord in not just your brain but also for everyone in your radius, apparently. Remember Hrithik Roshan dancing with the ladies in You Are My Soniya?
6. Hardcore love triangles as 17-year-olds? Seriously?
I don’t even want to say anything here. Karan Johar has been breaking our hearts with love stories where they find love at a young age and somehow, everything falls into place by the end of the movie. Happily ever after. Without fail.
7. Running from the gundas in sarees with makeup intact is just unreal
Again, kaise kar lete ho, bhai? Kahaan se laate ho yeh talent?
Romantic movies have been fooling us for so long, masking our reality with their dream sequences. For once, I would love to see a film where the boy accepts rejection and moves on, where the couple doesn’t get together because papa nahi maanenge and still have their own individual happily-ever-afters, and where a regular middle class couple lives a regular middle class life and is actually happy being in love.