The grand wedding season of 2019 is almost here. And so are the hordes of uncles and aunties who will make your life miserable with their questions about your life. They want to know everything, don’t they? When are you getting married? Are you dating anyone? When are you going to have kids? How much do you earn? It gets maddening after the first wedding. That’s when you start dreading the next wedding invite. But don’t worry. We’ve got you covered. From those annoying shaadi reminders to nosy career questions, we have some epic responses to taunts which will save you at every wedding.

If you’re single and nowhere close to getting married, prepare yourself for a barrage of taunts and questions. The worst will be the ones about your age. So, here are a few hilarious and memorable responses to taunts which will keep them at bay.

Any boyfriend shoyfriend?

Hai na, aunty. He’s an astronaut with NASA. When I told him about meeting you at this wedding, he left for space.

Beta, you should settle down. Umar ho gayi hai.

You should lie down. Umar ho gayi hai.

You won’t get any good rishtas with your super high standards, you know.

I’ll always have my cats. You know, the ones who don’t like you. They have high standards too.

I saw you with that boy, beta. What will your mother say if she finds out? It’s not right.

She’ll probably tell you to stop staring at me. It’s not right.

So, how much do you earn now?

My shagan ka lifaafa was thicker than yours.

Don’t think you’ll be spared if you’re married. Here’s some help in advance for you married ladies too.

Beta, it’s been so long since your wedding. Doctor ko dikhaya?

Haan, aunty. But the doctor said I can’t make him disappear with antibiotics, like regular infections.

Aur phir, any good news? *wink wink*

Yes, we got some new shots of the moon from Chandrayaan. Did you see? Such great news for India, no? *wink wink*

You’re still working after marriage? Doesn’t he earn enough for the both of you?

Inflation, uncle. Drugs are so expensive now.

If you’re immune to all the shaadi and baby taunts, they’ll come after your outfits and jewellery. It won’t be easy, but here’s what you can say in response to the most annoying taaney.

Didn’t you wear this outfit at the last wedding too?

Didn’t you ask me this question at the last wedding too?

Itni halki jewellery. Don’t you have a bigger set?

I do. I save that for the bigger weddings.

Some colours are not right for big girls, you know. You should try a darker colour to look thinner.

You should try a darker colour too. To disappear into the night.

Haye, haye. Why did you wear white to the wedding? It’s so unlucky!

Haan, uncle. I didn’t realise that this is the reason for the rising divorce rate in India. Because some guests wear white at weddings.

You’ll hear so many variations of these taunts, but don’t fret. Keep this list handy and let those nosy nobodies know exactly what you think of them and their opinions.