Tired of saying, hearing, and still believing in “not all men”? Unfortunately, it is a fact that even if not all men are the same, a lot of them are. Men, to a large extent, are responsible for women facing violence, eve teasing, rape, acid attacks, and a never-ending list of atrocities. Our male-dominated society is still far from respecting women, let alone fighting for their rights. Women who grow up in this patriarchal society have seen such acts being normalised. Such violence and harassment are so common that raising our voices against them only backfires on us. Our mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives, and daughters have experienced uncomfortable situations and continue to do so. And they all are forced to remain silent about it. So, how can women not lose hope in the entire community of men?

If you still think some better men can turn the tables for good, then hear us out. The process will include a lot of unlearning, which will take time, but with consistent effort, you can make a difference. Otherwise, incidents like the Kolkata rape case, Nirbhaya 2012 gang rape, among other brutal crimes against women, are only going to aggravate. Moreover, it will save you the effort of commenting “not all men” whenever the actions of terrible men are called out. So, dear men, do you want to know how you can really help create a safe space for women?

Related: Boys Locker Room: What You Need To Teach Your Sons About Women

A Guide For The Good Men

1. Listen

This is a great start. Instead of trying to turn anything a woman says into an argument, listen to them. Talk to your female colleagues about the challenges they are facing in the workplace, and check in on them after an office dinner or a late night at work. If they share a personal account of how a guy mistreated her, in public transport or elsewhere, just listen to her instead of jumping on the “not all men” bandwagon. We don’t get much to say, but when we do, and you genuinely listen to us, we appreciate it.

2. Stand by us, not against us

If you see us fighting for our rights like pay parity, penalising domestic violence, advocating for consensual sex, and so on, don’t shy away from supporting us. Moreover, all women, irrespective of your personal relationship with them, require equal support to voice against evil.  

3. Be part of uncomfortable conversations; don’t create them

Women everywhere are sick and tired of all the inappropriate and misogynistic jokes that men think have a right to make. And let’s be honest, all men have heard their peers talk about women disrespectfully. You haven’t forgotten the boys’ locker room chat, have you? Call them out instead of laughing nervously; it does not make you a bad friend.

4. Be a man the right way

If you’re worried about us reaching home late, save yourself the trouble and pick us up from our workplaces, or elsewhere. Sitting with passive rage when someone harasses us in front of you won’t do any good. Instead stop the perpetrators when you see similar situations. It’s high time to abandon the proverbial phrase “boys will be boys” at every major inconvenience we have to face from your end.  

5. Acknowledge the problem

We get it; not all men are the same. But understand that the perpetrators causing heinous crimes against women are men. So, instead of trying to convince us you are a good man by talking about it, show us through your actions. Moreover, don’t give in to the gender stereotypes. It’s the 21st century, and we are still at square one. The kitchen is not synonymous with women, and workplaces can be better with a female workforce. Maybe you men can cook a good meal while we handle the finances for a change?

We don’t want to be objectified, disrespected or be the most hated gender. We also don’t want to be put on a pedestal either. All of this only makes the male community a threat to women’s existence. Everyone deserves to live their lives by their own rules. Society needs a major change, which can only be done if men and women actively fight for humanity. We need more safe spaces, and the current climate is far from safe for women.

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Related: 10 Things Women Around The World Still Need Freedom From