Yes, beta ji. It is that time of the year again. It’s the month when no one in the world wants to work except your boss. Even at such a tragic, difficult time, Christmas toh celebrate karna hi hai na? So, put on your least itchy Santa hat, the boots that only see the light of day in December and January, make mulled wine for Instagram (because peene laayak toh hogi nahi), and follow these tips for the best Christmas ever. Here’s how to celebrate Christmas in 2024.

Bake an extra boozy Christmas cake

Maida kam, zyada rum. Make healthy choices, bachche. You don’t have to go looking for a complicated Christmas cake recipe. All you need to do is put some flour, rum, butter, sugar, and chocolate together in a mug and bake it. Yes, I’m talking about a mug cake for one person, beta ji. I don’t expect you to bake a whole cake and share your mehnat ka fal. Don’t worry about your parents finding out about the alcohol. It will be the first time they will see their bachcha actually doing something in the kitchen. They’ll be too busy finding a rishta for you now.

Give yourself 24 expensive gifts

2024 is ending so obviously, you should get 24 gifts. But itne saare gifts dene wala koi nahi hai in your life, I know. So, buy them for yourself. It’s called being strong and independent. I have some gift ideas also for you, bachche. Instead of buying yet another pretty journal to make manifestation lists, get a jhaadu with a lambi stick to clean those webs on your ceiling. Because jitni marzi lists banaa lo, if you’re okay with sleeping under jaale, zyada hope nahi hai for your future.

Watch The Holiday and pretend you’re Cameron Diaz

Yes, yes. I know you watch this movie every year and dream of meeting someone like Jude Law at the next Ladies’ Night in Hauz Khas village. Let me tell you now, bachche. It’s not happening. Instead, pretend you’re the pre-Graham Cameron Diaz and book an actual holiday for yourself. Don’t go swapping houses and all that. Wahaan chalta hoga yeh sab, hamaare yahaan nahi hota. Book a nice resort and go on a lovely solo holiday. And if you’ve just broken up with someone, even better. There’s no better revenge than happiness in a bikini.

Don’t answer any work calls until January 10, 2025

This is a risky way to celebrate Christmas, but if you want to quit your job anyway, try it. Zyada se zyada kya hoga? You’ll lose your job, may not find another for a few months, run out of your entire savings in a week, and will have to ask your parents for pocket money again. Do it, bachche. YOLO.

Christmas is a vibe, bachche. Don’t ruin it by saying, “These ideas aren’t practical, kya hai yeh”. Merry merry to all my babies.

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