Think of marriage like a sarkari naukri. Everyone tells you that once you lock it down, you’re set for life. What they don’t tell you is that, like any other job, you may hate a government job too. No one tells you that leaving is even an option when you’re discussing the prospect. The whole point is to just get the job and somehow make it work. Doesn’t sound as glamorous as the wedding, does it? Whether you’re already married or getting there soon, here are a few hard truths about marriage that you should know.

You will hate each other at some point

You can’t feel the same emotion about someone all the time, right? No matter how much you swore to the world that you would love each other all day, every day for the next hundred years. At some point, even without a fight, you will look at your spouse and feel angry. It could be because of an argument the previous day or something one of their relatives said to you at a wedding last month. The logic behind your momentary hate may not seem rational at all, but knowing this doesn’t help when you’re raging inside. It’s fine as long as the feeling passes and doesn’t turn into long-term resentment.

You will ignore problems in your marriage to maintain the peace

The best experts out there tell us to address every issue in your marriage. From personal experience, I can tell you it takes way too much time, patience, and effort to talk about every single problem. Sometimes, you just brush things under the carpet and hope no one trips over the bump. If you have the time and energy to talk about and resolve every issue, please do. But if you are a normal, middle-class couple with full-time jobs and full-time families, you will ignore the small problems. You know you shouldn’t, but you will, just to maintain the peace and not have one more argument about whose mom was worse at the last gathering.

It’s okay to think about the ‘what-ifs’

Exes don’t magically disappear when you get married. You will always think about the job you passed on to stay in the same city. There are always ‘what-ifs’ in life and it’s only human to think about them. You’re not being unfaithful to your spouse by letting yourself fantasise about an alternate reality. All you’re doing is letting your imagination take the reins for a bit. But if you feel the undying urge to act on a life-changing ‘what-if’, it might be time to have a conversation with your partner.

You decide what’s a deal-breaker and what isn’t

It could be infidelity or months of seeing wet towels on beds despite screaming and shouting about said towels. Anything can be a deal-breaker in a relationship. And only you get to decide what is big enough to end your marriage and what isn’t. Some people can move on from an affair and rebuild their relationships while others cannot stand the thought of living with the same person anymore. Both are legitimate reactions. So, you can listen to everyone who gives you advice on what makes or breaks a marriage. But you have to decide if your relationship is worth fighting for or if you’ll be happier breaking it off.

Your spouse may not like your family

This is one of the harshest truths about marriage. It’s an unpleasant and difficult situation but it can happen. Your spouse may not like your family, much to your horror. And it’s okay. But what is not okay is disrespect. Whether or not they like your family, your spouse has to be respectful to them. That is something you should enforce in your marriage because if your spouse is rude to your family and you do nothing about it, they will pull away from you. So, make your peace with a lack of affection but not with a lack of respect and basic decency.

You have to take breaks from each other

I’m not saying it’s okay to take a break from your spouse, I’m saying you must. Spend time with yourself, meet your friends, go on a trip with your family—do something regularly that doesn’t involve your spouse. You’ve heard distance makes the heart grow fonder but let me tell you the flip side of that saying. Excessive proximity makes the heart choke. Give your partner and yourself some breathing space so no one feels the urge to run away to the mountains for a year.

Have you learnt some hard truths about marriage that no one spoke of with you? Let us know in the comments.

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