In the current dating scenario, women are “looking for a man in finance, trust fund, 6’5″, blue eyes.” Or that’s what the internet says. But a recent survey by Tinder reveals the real truth. According to The Green Flags Study, nearly 65% of women believe men are strictly looking for casual flings. However, only 29% of men want a casual relationship. The report highlights men’s and women’s misconceptions about each other’s preferences on a dating app.

I asked a few women about their online dating experiences and what they want from men on a dating app.  Men, here’s what women shared that might help you level up your dating game.

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1. “Every other profile looks the same”

Most women say they have seen enough shirtless gym photos. Anika* said, “Curly hair, abs, and a mirror selfie with a serious expression. I fail to differentiate between these Xerox personalities. Moreover, their bios don’t say anything about them.” Women aren’t asking for a novel or a sales pitch but a quick, witty bio that reveals your personality. This way, you can make your profile go from meh to wow.

2. “They keep making small talk instead of asking good questions”

Getting a match on a dating app is the starting point of finding your soulmate. But it becomes an endgame when you don’t actively engage in conversations. “Every guy I talked to would send an overly enthusiastic ‘Heyyy’ and disappear for the next 24 hours. One of the chats reminded me of the daily conversation between my mom and her sister. The guy kept asking me ‘aur batao‘ for the 10th time in a day because he didn’t have anything interesting to say”, Manushree* shared. Girls love a good conversation that goes beyond a dry ‘Sup?’. Instead, tell us about your day,  ask about ours, listen to what we share, and embellish it with a subtle flirt.

3. “They post blurred photos with a dark filter”

If you’re looking for dating apps that don’t require photos to build your profile, you should find someone the old-school way. Dating apps need photos to prove we are real. “All the photos are either close-up shots or selfies where they have almost covered their face with hands,” Nandita* said. Women don’t want to play detective to find your face in a hazy picture with your gang. Also, mirror selfies are overdone now. A mix of candid and social photos is a great start to putting yourself out there on a dating app.

4. “Can you share your Insta handle? I’m not that active here”

Sohali* found this to be the most annoying thing on a dating app. She shared that most of the guys asked for her number or social handles hours after matching. “Guys are active when they want to match on a dating app. And suddenly, they want to take it to WhatsApp or Instagram when it comes to chatting. How can I trust them with my number?” she said. This highlights a major safety concern women face in online dating. A study by The Independent reveals that millennials wait for at least four days to exchange phone numbers. However, this period still doesn’t set a benchmark for men to ask for numbers. So, you must first understand where the conversation is going before sliding into their Instagram DMs.

5. “He said he was looking for a long-term relationship when he asked me for a hookup the next day”

Pranjali* was astonished to hear this. Her online dating experience was a mess as a few men gave her mixed signals. “Why can’t men have clear conversations? Just let us know what you’re here for, so we can save each other’s time”, she said. Women appreciate honesty over mind games. If you are genuinely interested in a woman, show it in your actions. But if you’re unsure, don’t play riddles. Instead, let them know what you’re looking for by politely stating your intentions..

6. “A guy used ChatGPT to send me pickup lines”

Love bombing and over-the-top compliments define the current dating trend. But does everyone like to be swayed this way? Jonita* said, “Most of my matches tried hard to flirt and sent extremely cheesy compliments. A guy used ChatGPT to send me pickup lines. I got to know this because he mistakenly copy-pasted his prompt instead of the answer he got. LOL.” Seriously, guys?

According to Tinder’s The Green Flags Study, nearly 55% of women value sincere compliments. So, you should take time to know the woman you are talking to on a dating app. Is she into back-to-back flirting or does she like it subtle? Telling her that she’s the most beautiful woman in the universe 10 minutes into chatting is a bit too much, too soon. Instead, balance it with humour and flattery, so it doesn’t feel forced.

7. “He asked me about my marriage plans. We are both just 20”

Anthara* felt like she was in a job interview or a matchmaking show when she matched with this guy. She said, “He asked me about my future goals, monthly salary and job positions just after we exchanged our initial ‘Hi, hello(s)’. I thought he was joking until he told me he wasn’t. I panicked and unmatched him.” Men, dating apps are different from matchmaking apps. Even then, asking women about their personal goals, kids, and marriage in the first chat feels like a rapid-fire. Instead, let the conversation flow naturally by asking some ice-breaking questions.

8. “He video-called me in the middle of the night when I was sleeping”

Divisha* got scared when a guy video-called her at 3 am. She said, “People don’t respect personal boundaries. When I texted him to call out this behaviour, he said I was overreacting. Furthermore, there are several fake, unverified profiles on dating apps.” Verified profiles can increase your chances of getting a genuine connection. Additionally, you must build some trust and rapport to initiate a video call.

Men, we hope these personal experiences of women on dating apps will help you level up your game.

*Names changed to protect identity.

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