Hello, beta ji! Your favourite aunty is back. I know you missed me, and I’m back, right in time for ‘Work Like A Dog Day’, which is also confused as Monday. Now, all you 9-5 Gen Z people must be tired of being CCed on stupid emails, and all you millennials must think your hard work will be rewarded. Let me break something to you, bachche. As long as you’re a corporate slave, you’ll always be broke, no matter how many iced lattes you avoid ordering.

And I can’t see you hustling, struggling and breaking your backs while changing all those metros. So, here are some corporate life tips and hacks from your aunty who hasn’t worked under a slimy boss ever! ‘Cause I’m my own boss, hehe.

1. Practice the art of crying at the drop of a hat

Dekho bachche, not that your corporate slavery is going to leave you with anything apart from tears and a few chillars, but you must master the art of crying at the drop of a hat. It’s the most genius corporate life tip. Didn’t finish that presentation? Start howling in the meeting and be inconsolable. Trust me, your boss will be baffled, and he’ll shout dismiss!

2. Keep your nose in your business and everyone else’s

Minding your business is not how you keep up with the corporate kalesh. You should know which colleague is coming in at 11, so you can keep your taane ready. You should be aware of the office lovebirds so you can take the credit for being their matchmaker even when you pass them the dirtiest looks. Survival ke liye karna padhta hai, beta.

3. Become besties with the HR

Apna bhala sochna zaroori hai beta, and who’s a better friend at a workplace than your good-for-nothing HR? Keep them twisted around your little finger so you can get all your ulte-seedhe kaam done by them. Ek toxic job mein HR hi aapke kaam aata hai. The most important part is to act like you really care for them.

4. Treat your boss like your mother; pretend to agree with everything they say

Just like tum mummy ko kabhi mana nahi karte, bring out your inner sanskaari good bachcha and nod to everything your boss says. You don’t have to agree with them, ek kaan se suno, dusre se nikaal do. And jab follow up ka time aaye, just repeat step number 1 and get away with it.

5. Sneeze on everyone around you and get a WFH the very next day

Many jobs hate giving you chutti as if apni chhati pe rakh ke vapis le jaani hai. But a nice corporate life tip when you are in no mood to come and see your colleagues’ manhoos shakal is to start sneezing everywhere a day before you plan to take a leave. Make it believable beta, and sneeze on your nemesis’ face to really make everyone believe how sick you are. Now sit back and wait for your boss’s mail giving you a WFH day.

Related: 70-Hour Work Week: How To Make Corporate Uncle Math Work In The Real World