After watching Dear Zindagi, my idea of a therapist was a cool person sitting in cosy armchairs, pen in hand, gently (and humorously) guiding patients through an emotional mess with pearls of wisdom and the occasional ‘How does that make you feel?’ But if Reddit is to be believed, some of these so-called professionals have missed their calling entirely. Forget calm chats about your childhood, these sessions could rival reality TV and bad fan fiction. From Christian Grey fantasies to Jesus-powered life advice, these bad therapist stories from Reddit will make you laugh and cringe.

The Christian Grey wannabe

This Redditor, who is a practitioner themselves, got to know about this couple whose therapist wanted them to have sex right in front of him. “My supervisor told me of a couple he did therapy with that said they had a previous therapist that wanted to watch them have sex in the therapy room while he was there. He also did not have anything actionable as they did not say who it was.” What level of Christian Grey fantasy is this? Feels like he wanted to be in a different industry.

Therapy isn’t friendship

This Redditor’s story makes us wonder if we have been misunderstanding the meaning of therapy all along. “She stopped me in the middle of a session to tell me that the real problem was that I made everything about myself. Which would have been a valid point, had she not continued, “Like right now, you’re just talking about yourself, and about your life. Every week you just talk about yourself. You know I just had a baby a few months ago (before I ever started going to her), but you never ask me how that’s going. You never ask me about my life, or my friends, or my relationship with my husband. If you’re like this with everyone in your life, I can imagine why people don’t like being around you.” I left super ashamed and never went back.” Someone please tell this therapist that her patients are not her friends.

Depression denial

This Redditor shared how their therapist decided that they don’t have depression. “When she told me, I couldn’t possibly be depressed because I take showers.” Excuse me, what?

Suicide can wait, just guarantee you will pay me

This might be the worst thing a therapist can do. This Reddit user shares his story, “Not me, but a friend of mine. He was taken to a mental hospital for trying to commit, and when he went to his regular psychiatrist after being in the hospital for a while, she basically told him that if he couldn’t guarantee that he’d be alive by the next appointment, she didn’t want to work with him, because it was a waste of time and recourses and he wouldn’t be able to pay her. So he got “fired” from a psychiatrist for being mentally unwell.” Tell me we live in a capitalist world without telling me we live in a capitalist world.

Marriage counsellor with a list of divorces

This guy has beaten Ross Geller at his game. Pats for that. But seeking marriage counselling from a counsellor who has been divorced six times is like hiring a jailed lawyer to bail you out of jail. We hope this Reddit user was able to save their marriage anyway.

“You need a therapist”

This one is shockingly hilarious. “When I spilled my whole life story and the therapist told me ‘You need a therapist.’ Like no shit dude, that’s why I came.” The Redditor further added, “He admitted that he ‘isn’t really a therapist’ and mostly just deals with medications. His website lists him as a therapist.”

Poor listening skills

“”I want you to ask all of your friends to tell you what they really think about you” after sharing that I was feeling like I had no friends who would make time for me.” This Redditor’s story makes us wonder if being a good listener isn’t a prerequisite for being a therapist.

Become a man if you want to heal

This comment is quite common, especially in India, but coming from a therapist, not so common or appreciated. The Redditor added, “I was 39 and had unearthed my wife’s affair only a week previously. Was just a total heartbroken, shattered mess. I fired him. Since remarried. I still play the video games.” This one gives full talking-to-an-average-Indian-uncle vibes.

Listen to my political speech

If you ever feel nobody can change your opinions on politics, try booking a therapy session. “She tried to use her position to change my political views during an election.” This Redditor got political advice in place of therapy, isn’t that great?

He banged a client

Imagine convincing your partner for marriage counselling only to find out your counsellor has been banging your partner. They Redditor added, “It was his arrest photo because that’s a crime. He was our marriage counselor, and he was married. So was the client.”

A collective urine test

“Making all the group members urine drug test in front of each other. Telling group members that the therapists were enabling them by allowing them to be in therapy without making progress with SUD.” This Redditor’s story makes us wonder if the therapist got confused about what “lay it bare” actually means.

You have digestive issues

Imagine going to a therapist for depression and getting diagnosed with digestive issues. That’s what happened with this Reddit user. They wrote, “My sister saw a therapist who told her depression wasn’t a mental health issue, it was actually a digestive issue.” Is this the modern equivalent of ‘two birds with one stone’?

Astrology disguised as therapy

“She started talking about how Saturn was in retrograde. So I kind of smiled politely. Then she started talking about her horse and I was like, “Yeah, let’s bring this back around to me.” Because fuck that, I’m not paying $25 per session to listen to equestrians.” Seems like this Redditor booked a session with an astrologer and not a therapist.

Have you come across such bad therapist stories on Reddit? Share them with us!

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