Ah, arranged marriage – the one desi tradition that turns your love life into a full-blown family project. One day, you’re just vibing, enjoying your single life, and the next, you’re sitting in a room with a stranger while your parents not-so-subtly ask about their salary, star sign, and whether they are vegetarian. Let’s be honest: Arranged marriage rishta meetings can be chaotic. And Reddit has gifted us some absolute gems. So, grab a cup of chai (or something stronger) because these real-life arranged marriage stories are equal parts hilarious, awkward, and traumatising.

The human food scale

This Redditor had a rather unique experience. “First meeting with this guy. He kept weighing his food while eating. He even told me he has a punishment regime for eating too many samosas in a row (I didn’t have the courage to ask what his punishment was). For lunch, I wanted to call for a pizza, but he said it was too unhealthy, so I left the date feeling extremely hungry and mystified.”

Instant commitment or nothing

This Reddit user shared a story about a guy who, after their first meeting, wanted to get married. “I said I needed time. He got annoyed and never heard from him again. Few months later, he sent me his wedding invite with a snide jab at me saying “when you know, you know – it’s a quick decision”. I wished him well anyway. Cut to a year later, guy contacted my family for some job help. He was divorced, wife took his assets and he lost his job. When I tried to explain to my parents how I was right for not rushing a match, my mom said ” he got engaged, got married and got divorced and here you are still single.””

Karma works fast, but desi mums work faster with their savage comebacks.

The rishta interrogation gone wrong

This one is not only hilarious but also weird. “One prospect’s father asked me if I watched porn,” A Reddit user shared in a now-deleted comment. Sir, how about we don’t watch this rishta unfold any further?

Dad was behaving like the main character

Another Redditor shared, “I had once matched with a girl whose dad seemed more interested in me than her. Her dad asked me more questions about myself (likes, dislikes, experiences living abroad etc) than the girl. The girl didn’t have any questions or opinions about anything and mostly reiterated my own comments or her dad’s. What was concerning was that she was 30 and her behaviour seemed like she was in early 20’s or below.”

The job application rishta

This user shared their story and it feels like less of a rishta and more of a loan approval process. “I matched with a girl. The match’s/parents’ very first text was – ‘Send your salary slip, office ID card and office location.’ The girl wasn’t working.”

The mother-in-law matrimony hotline

This Reddit user’s story is creepy af! “Guy’s father used to call my mother and say u have to talk to me, I will get my son married where his mother in law talks to me…and one woman ( mother of girl ) has already agreed…and then mother of boy said bhabhiji shadi karoge to ye to aise hi karenge.”

What kind of samdhi pact was this?

The list of demands

This Reddit user shared the list of demands the girl threw his way on their very first meeting. “She said if we get married she would like to live separately away from my family as she likes privacy [although she lives in a 2BHK with 5 members in it] lmao. Moreover she was like, I like traveling only in car I’m not comfortable in two wheelers, I inquired which car does her family has and she was like they don’t own a car now but they are planning to buy in future lmao okay I got it. She was not a working woman and prefer not to work in future [I was ok with this] and then she said, she doesn’t like cooking and will not cook in future and told me to hire a cook and a maid, I said okay I’ll cook as I enjoy cooking . And then she said she would like to go to a foreign destination for honeymoon if all things go alright and I was like who talks of honeymoon in a first meeting lol.”

Bald men need not apply

Being desi, we knew a story like this was gonna come. This Reddit user shared, “My MIL(mother-in-law) rejected me for being bald, even though my FIL(father-in-law) is bald lol.” The hypocrisy is shining, just like their heads.

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Related: How To Make A Relationship Work: 13 Lessons That Redditors Learnt The Hard Way