Divorce – a term that makes the Indian ground tremble so hard we hardly ever say it out loud. AR Rahman and his wife Saira Banu recently announced their divorce after 29 years of marriage. And it has made the internet gasp and cry for two reasons. Firstly, it’s a divorce. And it’s a divorce after nearly three decades of marriage.

We Indians assume that once a marriage has held its ground for the first few years, it will always do so. Divorce is considered a huge shame even early in the marriage, let alone after more than a decade. Everyone is told to suck it up because our perception of marriage has nothing to do with happiness or fulfilment. It’s all about duty.

In recent years, however, we have seen Indian celebrities leading the way in grey divorces. A grey divorce describes a divorce among older couples, typically those over the age of 50. And instead of gasping in horror at AR Rahman’s divorce, this is a chance to stop sugarcoating this issue and talk about why divorce, even decades into a marriage, can be the healthiest choice for everyone involved.

Doing it for the kids

India has the lowest divorce rate in the world, and it’s not because we have the happiest married lives. It’s because of the cultural and moral weight we put on marriage. Many Indian couples stay in miserable marriages, trapped by societal expectations, financial dependence, or the belief that staying together is better for their children. But this silence around marital unhappiness isn’t noble; it’s toxic.

Indian couples try to keep it together in fear of robbing their children of a ‘happy family’. But the reality is almost always the opposite. The ‘jokes’ that Gen Z  folks make on the internet about the trauma from their parents’ strained relationships aren’t actually jokes.

Studies suggest that kids who witness parental conflict are more likely to have unhealthy peer connections, low academic achievement, a lack of self-confidence, and physical and mental health issues like depression, anxiety, and violent interpersonal behaviour. Children raised in homes where parents are constantly fighting or emotionally checked out don’t grow up feeling safe or loved. They grow up feeling trapped.

And here’s the kicker: children often resent their parents for staying in such a toxic setup. What parents think is “holding the family together” slowly unravels everyone’s emotional well-being.

Divorces don’t always mean a marriage has failed

People change, and that’s not a bad thing. You might be fighting over miscommunication in your 20s, but in your 50s, it could be because you don’t intellectually stimulate each other. What kept your boat afloat in your 20s might not be enough a decade later. Over the years, priorities shift, dreams evolve, and sometimes, two people just outgrow each other. Staying together out of obligation rather than love can lead to decades of bitterness and resentment.

Couples like AR Rahman and Saira Banu, Aamir Khan and Kiran Rao, Hrithik Roshan and Sussanne Khan, and so many more, have shown that it’s okay to walk away from a relationship that no longer works. Resenting the other person in the process of keeping the marriage together isn’t really keeping it together.

So, grey divorce isn’t selfish; it’s liberating. It’s a chance to embrace a new chapter instead of being chained to a life of regret. And this is probably the reason why Hrithik and Sussanne and many other divorced couples are still friends. They didn’t let the resentment grow. They ended their marriages when they needed to.

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Related: 5 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herself Before Getting A Divorce