Bachche ji, have you watched Fabulous Lives vs Bollywood Wives? I’m not calling it season 3 and all because this is brand new. It’s not just four Bollywood wives living their “fabulous lives”, it’s three fabulous Dilli Ki Billis showing the “OGs” what fabulous really means. But I have one major issue with the show this time. I’m not in it. Earlier, I understood, you know. You had to be a Bollywood wife to qualify and we all know your uncle ji is no Chunky Pandey. What’s KJo’s excuse now? The nation wants to know.

I’ve been told that I should make a case for myself in time for the next season of Fabulous Lives of/vs Bollywood Wives. But your dear Aunty Eve is too good for that. What I am going to do is tell Karan Johar why he should cast me in the next season, apart from the obvious scandal that my presence will bring.

I dress like a painting every day

Excuse me, I may not live in a mansion with a giant head in the garden. But I do dress like a painting, and I do it every day. Sometimes, it’s a Van Gogh, and sometimes, it’s a sketch that parents hang on the fridge to make sure their child doesn’t kill them in their sleep. But my outfit is always a piece of art, bachche.

My party ideas are much better than “KC parties”

You know me, beta ji. I am not a regular aunty. So, I would have had much better ideas than a Karwa Chauth party to “bring husband-wife together”. Husbands and wives can do so much more than dress up in their 20-year-old wedding outfits and sit on a couch all evening. If you know what I mean. Hehehehehe.

Shalini Passi might have talents and assets, but I have more

Just ask Mrs Duggal how many times I have told her the juiciest gossip without even saying a word. Aankhon hi aankhon mein ishaare, beta ji. Now isn’t that a much more useful talent than singing and dancing? And in the right nightie, my “assets” look like they belong on a 25-year-old (if you look from the right distance). I don’t even need cryo for it, I just make people cry.

The posts I like are MUCH more scandalous

Imagine the kind of material I will bring to the show! Netflix kahin full-time hi na rakh le mujhe. You can do three seasons on my social media activity alone. But don’t go looking for it, bachche. Like Orry, I also charge for anything that comes out of my beautiful mind.

Anyway, I think I’ve made my point. Karan Johar and Netflix, you better call me before you miss your chance. Aunty Eve is precious, you know.

Related: Which Fabulous Bollywood Wife Is Your Spirit Animal? Answer These Questions To Find Out