Feminism really triggers people. I do wonder why that is, bachche. While doing my weekly safai, I just put on a podcast and heard Nora Fatehi talking about feminism. Now see, bachche, I do enjoy watching her onscreen, but her take on feminism… Hmmm.. I have some thoughts on it, and I think she and all the bachchas like her need some safai of their brains. Now, I thought Nora Fatehi might be an exception, but then I went on Twitter and the Instagram comments sections of a few feminist accounts, and by god! Some of you will do anything to have your ridiculous “hot take” go viral. Matlab the kind of comments I saw from “educated” bachchas… haye tauba! You people need so much help!

So, to educate my dear bachchas, I have handpicked a few common comments I would like to address. Let’s start with Nora’s comments first, shall we?

“Feminism f*cked up our society“

Haan ji, bilkul. Feminism totally ruined that society. That’s why women today have the freedom to go out and get an education, work, grow financially independent, and make their own decisions. Of course, it is also because of feminism and feminists that came before her that Ms Fatehi had the freedom to be the sole breadwinner for her family without depending on a man.

“Women should be nurturers while men should be providers“

Have you maybe given a thought to the fact that some men don’t want to be providers? Maybe they want to stay at home and take care of the household. And maybe some women want to go out there and be the biggest, baddest boss b*tches they can be. If you want to give up everything you have achieved and sit at home, do that, Nora beta. It’s called choice. And women have the power to choose what they want to do because of…yes, you guessed it right…feminism!

“Women should be independent but to a certain extent.“

Now, who is going to define that extent and why should it be the society? Nahi, nahi, give me one good reason. Why should there be a limit to women’s independence? When India fought for its independence, the freedom fighters didn’t say, “We gotta get independence, but only to some extent”. Because let’s be honest, bachche, if they had, you and I wouldn’t be sitting here debating feminism and Nora Fatehi wouldn’t be on a podcast trashing feminism.

“Why is it called feminism and not humanism?”

Why is it called mankind and not humankind? Yeh toh kabhi nahi poochha aapne. When a particular group needs to be uplifted, obviously the focus will be that group na? Like Black Lives Matter. Or were you an #AllLivesMatter person when Black people were specifically being targeted?

“The law is biased towards women”

So are criminals.

Also, which law? The one against dowry? The practice that has been used to subjugate, torture, and kill women for centuries? Or the law against rape, an act of extreme violence mostly against women? Or the laws of alimony and child support? Yes, when a woman is expected to give up her career and financial independence to look after a man-child and his family and then the marriage goes to shit, why should she get any compensation for it, right? Soch liya karo thoda. It’s good for your health.

“Why do we need separate coaches for women in the metro?”

Because men can’t keep their hands, eyes, and legs to themselves when they see a woman. Not like separate coaches for women stops men from behaving like this. After all, how dare a woman feel safe in public transport? Haina?

“#NotAllMen”

But #YesAllWomen, child. Every single woman I know has been harassed by a man. Go, ask the women you know. And if they shoo you away for asking this question, take a hard look at yourself.

“Why did she go out so late/to an isolated area/take a cab at night/wear short clothes/fight/not fight?”

The right question is – how dare he/they attack her? Have the criminals been caught? Where was the police? What can we do for women so that they feel safe in their country again? All good questions, so much more logical than questioning the victim, no?

“#MeToo ruined men’s lives”

If you would think about why this hashtag even exists, you would realise how stupid you sound. Don’t insult your education like this, bachche.

“Women marry for money”

And why not? If you want to marry only for love, beta ji, wait for a few years! You’re really not mature enough to be in an adult relationship. Factoring in money when you’re getting married is not a bad thing. Who doesn’t want financial stability?

“Shaadi toh barbaadi hai”

Kiski? The mummy papa who are paying for a wedding worth crores? Yes, I agree shaadi is barbaadi for them.

“How will you be a family if you don’t have the same last name?”

Of course. Because families who have the same last name never, ever fall apart. Never in a million years!

“If the wife works, who will look after the house and the elders and the kids?”

Wouldn’t it be more economical to hire a cleaner, a cook, and an attendant? Shaadi toh barbaadi hai na? Too much kharcha just to hire one domestic worker! And what if she then asks for alimony? Oh my god! Best to stay away from potential wives, bachche.

“Who’s driving that badly? Must be a woman”

Who’s being a disgusting creep and misogynist? Must be a man.

“We all know how she got that promotion” wink wink

Yes, through hard work, perseverance, talent, and leadership skills. Everything that you lack but fail to admit because it’s so much easier to just malign your successful colleague’s character instead. Zero effort, less than zero creativity, and a great use of your complete lack of talent.

If you have any more questions or gyaan about feminism, please do tell me. Aunty Eve is happy to educate or even yell at deserving candidates.

Google Gloria Steinem. Mazza aayega, bachche.

All GIFs from Giphy

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