Don’t worry, I’m not a literal expert in the matter. I just have common sense. The common sense to a) not invite more stress into my life with an extramarital affair, and b) to not go out in public with my affair partner if I do ever get one. I mean, what happened to good old-fashioned sneaking around in hotels? Why are we now attending concerts with our dirty little secrets, like the Astronomer CEO and head of HR? Ek toh aisi harkatein karni hain, toh take them out of the office. Now these two people won’t have a moment of peace at work or at home.

Anyway, if you do want to make the same poor choices as the power couple at the Coldplay concert, here’s how to not get caught cheating on your spouse.

Don’t go out in public together

I thought this was basic information but I guess not. Meet at a hotel like normal cheaters. Call them over to your house when you’re alone. Go to their house when they’re alone. Or if you both are CEO and head of HR in the same company, make a “conference” room for yourself in the office. Why meet in public where anyone can catch you easily?

If you have to meet in public, don’t go for a Coldplay concert

Or to a concert by any other artist or band that is famous across the world. What do you expect will happen when you go to a houseful event with your not-so-significant other? Forget cameras, you can bump into neighbours, relatives, or friends. How then will you explain why your hand is on your colleague’s breast?

 

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If you go to a concert, don’t act so lovey-dovey that cameras focus on you

Thodi sharam kar lo. Sharam ki hi baat hai anyway. Music brings out emotions, I know. But extramarital affair emotions have to be kept secret. Till, of course, you’re ready to be brave and tell the world about it. Anyway, don’t give so much main character energy at concerts that cameras come to you at all. You know you have something to hide, so hide.

If the camera does focus on you

…and you’re being all huggy and touchy, don’t act like criminals. This is how clips go viral. Now people know you were doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. If the Astronomer CEO Andy Byron and HR Head Kristin Cabot had just acted like a normal couple, no one apart from the people in that concert would have even seen the clip. No reason for it to be posted on meme accounts across the world. And this would have definitely not happened!

Learn a lesson from this disaster, bachche. If you are having a hot, hot affair and want to take your affair partner to the Himesh Reshammiya concert, don’t do it. Cameras chhodo, one distant rishtedaar will see you and the next thing you know, your mummy is blasting your phone. Go with friends and sing O Huzoor till you’re hoarse. Later, go home and rethink your life choices.

For more such stories, follow Aunty Eve on Instagram.

Related: The Algorithm Did It, Not Me: 4 Times Aunty Eve And Virat Kohli Went Through The Same Pain