We’ve all grown up watching cheesy romcoms that have set our standards pretty high. Because what is love if it does not involve running through sarso ke khet to reunite with your lover, right? Even if you aren’t that filmy, you deserve the kind of love that makes you feel seen, excited, and proud enough to flaunt it on your group chat. And if that’s got you wondering whether you have actual chemistry or if you’re just comfortable with your partner, here’s your gentle but firm reality check on the red flags you’ve been ignoring. Here are seven signs you’re settling in a relationship rather than chasing what you truly deserve.

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1. Coexistence over compatibility

It’s normal for the initial spark to fade away after a while. But couples who are really into it find ways to keep each other on their toes, in a good way. If it feels like you both are just coexisting like roommates rather than romantic partners, you’re ignoring a major sign of settling in a relationship. Sure, it can’t be all hot and spicy all the time. But love doesn’t fade away; it finds new forms. If your relationship is stagnating with no hope or love in sight, maybe you need to call it quits.

2. ‘It’s not that bad’ doesn’t mean it’s good enough

You’ve seen better and worse, and you’ve settled for ‘it’s not that bad’. But does that mean it’s good enough for you? You weren’t meant to settle for something that feels mediocre at best, and if that’s a red flag you’re ignoring, you’re walking into a trap. Stop gaslighting yourself because you deserve better than someone who can’t plan a surprise pizza night and listen to your gossip like their life depends on it.

3. Their bare minimum feels like effort to you

They liked your story without you having to ask for it? That surely deserves an Oscar, no? Or did they leave you a cup of coffee just because they made extra? How romantic! Your self-respect and dignity are dying at the bottom of the Mariana Trench and you need to do better. Planning a weekly date night is the bare minimum. Adjusting schedules to prioritise a partner is the bare minimum. Not entertaining people because one’s partner is not comfortable is the bare minimum. Let that sink in.

4. You both avoid talk of the future

The only time you both feel hot and sweaty around each other is when someone pops the ‘future’ talk. Suddenly, you’re speechless, your body is tingling, and all you can hear is loud breathing that sounds like groaning. But is that the kind of heat you want in your relationship? You don’t know what’s coming next because you don’t know what’s happening in the present. So, don’t ignore this sign of settling in a relationship because it won’t take long for things to become too toxic to handle.

5. You’ve toned it down to maintain the peace

If you’ve toned down your opinions, your outfits, and your likes and dislikes, congrats, you’ve become somebody you won’t recognise in the mirror. Being in a relationship is all about thriving and exploring more about your personality, not shutting down and letting it die a slow death. If your partner doesn’t acknowledge, appreciate, and cheer you on and is always ready to break into an argument, you’re banging your head against a wall. Walk out of it for your own peace because you know you deserve someone who can handle your main character energy.

6. You’re in love with the idea of who they might become

People in love change, or at least that’s what most people think. But it is not your responsibility to school someone and make them act right. If they haven’t changed all this while, what makes you think they will change in the future? Stop running a rehab centre for emotionally unavailable partners because, plot twist, they won’t change till they want to. And no, your love and attention won’t make them turn into the partner you deserve. Walk out of that door and close it for good.

7. You’re not calling it quits because you’re scared of what happens next

Breakups are scary, especially when you aren’t a teenager with lots of potential and options. And when you’ve been in a long-term relationship, it is obviously scary to call things off and start from scratch. But is that a good enough reason to spend your life with someone who feels like the wrong OTT subscription? It’s a major sign of settling in a relationship, and you already know it. So, get some courage and rip off the band-aid once and for all. Who knows? You might actually meet the love of your life next.

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