Marrying into a joint family? Well, congratulations. You have no idea what you’ve signed up for even if you’ve lived your entire life in a joint family. As we know very well by now, bahus and betis have very different experiences with the same people. But now that you’ve taken this brave decision of marrying into a joint family, here’s the weaponry you need to fight this war.

Aunty Eve’s expert advice for girls marrying into a joint family

Tradition is not the same as oppression

Joint families are all about parampara and sanskaar. That’s what keeps them from falling apart despite all the property disputes. And they will expect you to fall in line too. Follow their cutesy traditions if you want, but if they’re being used to restrict you in any way, reject these traditions immediately. No amount of gold is worth losing your freedom.

Let them adjust to you

One person shouldn’t have to compromise constantly to keep a whole family happy. On the other hand, it’s much easier for the family, no matter how big, to just let you do your thing. They have to “adjust” to one person which is much easier.

You don’t have to be besties with the other women of the family

You will be expected to join the gang. Be friendly with them but don’t insist on being bichhdi hui behenein right away. So, don’t complain about your husband to anyone or join in a sesh against your collective saasu. You don’t know what can become global family gossip.

Watch and listen

Don’t get into family feuds straightaway no matter how distant the relatives involved may be. Giving opinions based on one-sided knowledge is the easiest way to attract controversy. Say what you want only when you’re confident you know all the facts. And don’t try to fix skewed family dynamics as soon as you arrive. You’re not Bahu The Builder.

Ask for what you want

It’s very easy for a new voice, especially a bahu’s, to get lost in a large joint family. If you want to eat a particular kind of food, ask for it. If you like doing things yourself, just do it. Don’t expect someone to come and ask you because the norm of a joint family is chaos. Make yourself heard.

If nothing works and you’re miserable living with your husband’s family, move out…with or without him. You’ll be the eternal chudail of the house and that’s always more fun than being the good bahu. Trust me hehe.

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Related: Joining The “Family Business” As A Bahu: What Every Woman Must Know