So, you’ve just gotten married into a lovely traditional family. My congratulations and condolences. Welcome to a life full of unsolicited advice, WhatsApp family groups, and mysterious kitchen politics you didn’t sign up for. Whether you’re a freshly minted bahu or five years in and still being told how to make chai “the proper way,” it’s time for a little wisdom. Here’s how to set boundaries with your in-laws and keep your sanity intact.

Never depend on your in-laws for money

Repeat after me: I am not a rescue mission. Your in-laws’ family income is not your retirement plan. Neither is your husband’s salary a reward for being able to make round rotis.

If you can earn, even if it’s just enough to buy your own overpriced almond milk and therapy, do it. It keeps your spine straight and your arguments short. Want to go on a solo trip to escape the family drama? Book it yourself. Nothing says “respect me” like being able to pay your own bills.

Stop RSVP-ing to every cousin’s godh bharai like it’s the Met Gala

Just because they invited you to every social event within a 50 km radius doesn’t mean you need to turn up like a loyal baraati. It’s okay to say “no” with just enough fake urgency that no one questions your absence. (“Oh no, my dadi is on her deathbed. Again.”)

You don’t get a gold medal for being “seen” everywhere. You get burnout. And who wants burnout when you’re not even getting paid for it, bachche?

You will never be ‘Bahu of the Year’. Calm Down

Don’t morph into some tragic sanskaari soap opera character. You don’t have to wear a saree while frying pakoras in the rain just to earn brownie points. Make your own rules. Eat cornflakes for dinner. Refuse to wait on your husband. It’s okay to skip the daily ritual of touching everyone’s feet like you’re training for the toe-touching Olympics. Be polite, but not pliable.

No one remembers the world’s most obedient daughter-in-law. But the one who had opinions? Unforgettable, beta ji.

You’re not a nursemaid. Don’t try to become one

You married a man, not a package deal that includes lifetime responsibility for his family’s health, emotional wellbeing, and blood sugar levels. It’s great to bond with your in-laws, but you don’t have to administer emotional CPR every time someone in the family is sad or mad. Settle in. Take your time. Let them get to know you beyond your ability to fold a fitted bedsheet or make rajma “just like mummy.”

Stay out of family fights

Every family has drama. Some have the harmless kind (like who finished the last laddoo), and some have the nuclear kind (inheritance, weddings, who wore what and why it was the worst thing to happen since the Emergency). Unless your name is directly mentioned, stay neutral. Listen to your husband’s side. Nod politely at your in-laws’. Say things like, “Oh wow, that sounds tough,” and then exit the conversation like a boss bahu.

Don’t try to be the peacemaker. That never ends well.

If you’ve been wondering how to set boundaries with in-laws, I really hope you follow this advice. Because if you don’t, 10 years down the line, you will be neck-deep in regret, beta ji.

For more such insightful tips and tricks, especially on living with in-laws, follow Aunty Eve on Instagram.

Related: How To Be A Good Mother-In-Law: Aunty Eve’s Lessons To Become The Best Saas