Just the other day, I was spending my precious time scrolling through my Instagram feed and saw this video of cutie Raha with her mummy papa at the airport. But what annoyed me was how the paps were flashing in her eyes with their cameras. Beta ji, where are your manners? I think y’all need a crash course on how to behave yourself, and I toh love giving free gyaan. So, here are some tips on how to be a good paparazzi, so take notes, bachche.

1. Stop turning every place into a macchi market

Dekho bachche, if you know journalism and believe you are a good pap, stop turning airports, gyms, restaurants, and funerals into macchi markets. Why do you need to shout and scream and behave like hooligans upon seeing celebrities? Keep calm, and don’t behave like you just left a zoo.

2. Turn off the flash when you see kids

You might have turned blind by your profession, but why make someone else suffer? Flashing lights in the faces of young, cute celebrity kids is such a shameful thing to do. Tch, tch, tch. Chidd gayye toh aap thodi sambhaloge? Not mindful, not at all demure, just absolute sharam karo!

3. Stop showing up at funerals

Ye funerals pe muh utha ke aap log kyu pahunch jaate ho? Respecting someone’s private time to grieve not only makes you a decent pap but also makes you likeable, bachche. So, unless you are there to pay your respects without the cameras, mind your business and stay out of it.

4. Focus on your focus

Let’s not play so naive, beta ji. That’s lesson 101 on how to be a good paparazzi. I have seen the zoomed-in videos of celebs with the caption ‘Guess who?’ But why do I need to see a stupid angle or a zoomed-in bit of anyone’s behind to know who they are? Where are your manners? Mummy se chappal nahi khaayi kabhi? Because I would love to give you free demos.

5. Stop asking stupid questions to get bites

Journalism is an art, beta ji, but you all have made it a joke. Standing outside some celeb’s gym and asking if they were working out is like walking around with your brains at home. Why would you wait for people outside a restaurant to ask ‘khaana kha liya?’ Aapke chache ke bachche lage hain jo aapko itni padi hai?

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