You can finally breathe a sigh of relief as the retrograde season is officially over (for now). This week will pass like a breeze, and you’ll get a lot done without procrastinating much. Here’s your horoscope for September 18-24.
1. Aries (March 21–April 19)
Good times are finally rolling in for you, Aries! Whatever you have been manifesting is finally going to turn into reality. Except for that perfect partner right out of a novel. That ain’t happening, honey! And no, even Shaka Laka Boom Boom’s magic pencil isn’t going to create something for you. So, I say just focus on your career and growth for now, and if it is meant to be, you might bump into them at a random colleague’s boring party.
AAE Pro Tip: RSVP to a random colleague’s boring party this week and show up looking like a snack.
2. Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Do you think people aren’t responding to you with the same zeal and excitement and light in their eyes? Could it be because you never took their calls and ghosted them? Well, the last week of the Virgo season is giving you the honest reality check you need, and not some sugar-coated version of it. If you want people to make an effort for you, you gotta do the same. So, suck it up, buttercup, and send some apology texts first.
AAE Pro Tip: If you really wanna ghost somebody, begin with that toxic and needy ex of yours.
3. Gemini (May 21–June 20)
The horoscope for September 18-24 wants you to be your best and most expressive self. Don’t hold anything inside and let your words be louder than your actions this week. Yeah, let people know how much they annoy you and don’t just stop at eye rolls. Use all the profanities, snide remarks, and sarcasm you’ve had simmering inside you for so long.
AAE Pro Tip: Start going for sprints in the morning, they’ll come in handy when you have to run from situations this week.
4. Cancer (June 21–July 22)
It seems like the Virgo season is showering you with a week full of flirting, new opportunities, and some piping hot tea! What else can one ask for, my dearest Crab? And you might strike up an interesting conversation with someone who’s caught your eye and interest. So, practise your cheeky jokes and subtle flirty lines, but stay away from hitting topics like politics and family planning.
AAE Pro Tip: Spiking your own drink seems like a genius idea to loosen up and calm your nerves.
5. Leo (July 23–August 22)
Things aren’t black and white and I’m sure you understand that greys also exist in our world. And this week, you’ll get a little more familiar with the concept. The last week of the Virgo season is going to give you mixed signals and almost-there opportunities. But what you’ve gotta do is understand what’s best for you and how you can help your own situation without relying on external factors.
AAE Pro Tip: Wear as much black as possible this week, it is lucky for you.
6. Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Birthday season is close to ending but no need to be bummed out. You’ve accomplished a lot this year and you have so much to look forward to in the coming months. So, enjoy the last week of Virgo season with a nice glass filled with the poison of your choice, and indulge in some binge-watching. And if you don’t wanna Netflix and chill alone, you can have someone over and enjoy some time getting goofy with them.
AAE Pro Tip: It’s the perfect time to begin a Harry Potter marathon, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
7. Libra (September 23–October 22)
Dear Libra, birthday season is almost here and the perfect way to kickstart things is by popping open a bottle of champagne. You’ll need all that bubbly because you’re going to be kinda drowning in work commitments this week. And avoiding them is going to be tougher than you think. So, why not just sit your pretty ass down and get started before your plate starts overflowing? Trust me, you got this.
AAE Pro Tip: Prepare a gift list before your birthday guest list and work on throwing subtle hints.
8. Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
You’ve been coming in hot and putting your best-manicured foot forward for a while now. Even though you want to go on at the same pace and keep kicking ass, the horoscope for September 18-24 asks you to take a laid-back approach this week. Yeah, even you need days doing the bare minimum, not running all over the place with errands and work calls. This week is your chance to catch those afternoon naps, have a beer in your pyjamas, and reward yourself with some self-care.
AAE Pro Tip: ‘You snooze, you lose’ is a saying made up by a loser. You snooze and win, boo.
9. Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
Doubts and insecurities might be unexpected guests in your life this week. But, as long as you bid them farewell and show them to the gate, you’ll be okay. You have a lot on your plate to deal with this week, so get organised. Work is catching up, but don’t bury yourself in your laptop and remember that you have a life beyond it. Make some time to catch up with your favourite people and let your hair down with some chilled beer and gossip.
AAE Pro Tip: Keep your eyes, ears, and mind open for feedback and be mindful when you use your words.
10. Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
You know, once you ride that overthinking train, you just start doing the whole chaiyya chaiyya routine on it and just never get off? Well, my sweet pea, you don’t have time for the routine this week, so be wise and don’t even set foot there. If something is going on in your mind, be vocal about it, talk it out, and find a solution right then and there. Because it’s high time you stop letting doubts and insecurities run the show.
AAE Pro Tip: Acknowledge your flaws, but don’t let anyone make you feel guilty about them.
11. Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
Time management is a skill you are yet to familiarise yourself with. So, how about we buy ourselves a shiny new watch and learn the basics? You’ve been going at a snail’s pace and putting your foot in your mouth by filling your plate with task after task. So, when are you going to learn to only bite as much as you can chew? Let this week serve as a cold and hard reminder to start being a little more put together and planned out so you don’t end up crying at 3 am with your work still pending.
AAE Pro Tip: If you don’t need more reasons to cry, avoid looking at your bank statements.
12. Pisces (February 19–March 20)
Looks like someone is going to be a rich bitch this week! Finally, all the money you have graciously loaned to people will be coming back to you. So, how do you plan to spend your big three-figure cash flow? Is it going to be a momos party for one or a happy-hours beer treat for yourself? Well, spoil yourself and do what you want with your hard-earned money and splurge away.
AAE Pro Tip: Stay away from people’s kalesh, especially if it involves your colleagues.
If you think you can wake up without a hangover when you’ve mixed drinks all night and landed up with your head in the toilet bowl, I believe aliens are real. Have a great week.